Cloud's Insanity
by Cids Turtle
Summary: The story begins to draw to a close as Everyone who was split aprat gathers together again to fight the ultimate evil... Godzilla!!! Also some messed up humor and insanity involved
1. Gerbil, Flea, or Sephiroth?

Stupid disclaimer: I don't own anything which has to do with FF7, squaresoft does, I also don't own the matrix or anything that hasd to do with the fact that we're all being used as batteries, I wonder how they used the energizer bunny?? I also don't own mcdonalds, though I would be rich if I did. So I said it, who gives a damn and reads this crap anyway, you're probalbly not even listening to what I'm saying. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ,blah, blah...  
  
Intro: 2 years after the end of the game, evryone is traveling to cosmo canyon because cloud has gone into a state of a seizure and is moaning things about aeris, so they think they might find out about reviving her there....  
  
(Cosmo canyon comes into veiw over the horizon everybody cheers except for cloud)  
  
Vincint: I think this is where I will go my own way and head back to Nibelham... hee hee get it, nibel and ham, oh that one kills me.  
  
Everyone stares blankly at Vincint  
  
Vincint: Oh... did I say that one out loud, oh, well um.... see ya  
( runs off screaming various swear words and screaming something about that Bugenhagen is hot.)  
  
Everyone continues walking, Barret looks incredibly bored  
  
Barret: God damn it, I've had enough of this desert and carrying cloud on my friggin' back!!!(thorws cloud 20 feet in front of him.) Let's have some fun!!!( starts shooting ravens flying around in the sky) wah ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!  
  
Bird after bird continues to fall from the sky except for one which keeps on dodging the bullets, (matrix scene occurs where birds is seen in slow motion dodging the bullets)  
  
Tifa: %$#@&^&**^%$$#&^*$$!@%#&%$#&%#$&##!^&^& Barret sto-  
  
Cid: hey that's my line you %$#@&^&**^%$$#&^*$$!@%#&%$#&%#$&##!^&^&  
  
Cid and Tifa start scraching each other  
  
Yuffie: Whoo hoo, catfight!!!  
  
Cid and Tifa turn on Yuffie and start beating the crap out of her  
  
In the midst of all of it, the one bird lands on the ground and starts to radiate  
  
Cid:(choking Yuffie) What's the $%^$#@* hells' wrong with that bird.  
  
Yuffie: urk... can't we just use the.... urk.... actual swears... urk... like shit urrrrkkk...  
  
Red XIII: There's goes our PG-13 rating  
  
Cloud: Aeris, I think I just made a wet one in my pants  
  
Barret: What the hell is wrong with that kid, ya know what would make him even scarier... an Afro  
  
Everyone stares blankly at Barret, even Yuffie for some reason biting Cait Sith's leg.  
  
In the meantime the bird has walked up to Barret without his knowledge and starts pecking him  
  
Barret: FU^&'IN Bird!!!!!(begins shooting at it and another matrix scence occurs with the bird hauling backflips backwards.  
  
Barret stops firing the gun and stares at the bird, bird stops radiating and turns to sephiroth  
  
Everyone: Holy F%$&^ S^%$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth:( taking out sword and pointing it at everyone) I have come back because my butt hurts(breaks out laughing and accidentally slahes one of Cait Sith's arms off)  
  
Cait Sith: Oh God, it hurts, evn though I'm a robot, it still hurts, why reeve, why!!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth:(paying no attention to the fact that Cait Sith is running around screaming) I really have come back because I was returned to the planet in the lifestream, however, I came back out as a gerbil. I was shot in the face before I gained my magic back, then I came back as a flea on Red XIII, He ate me.  
  
Red XIII: So youuuuuu were the cherry flavered one.   
  
Sephiroth: anyway, then I came back as this crow and gained my powers back. I will do whatever possible to stop you from reviving the ancient.  
  
Everyone: Aeris?  
  
Sephiroth: Nooooooooo, Jenova, then I can become god again...... Huh, what??? You guys can revive Aeris!!! Holy S#@$ !!!! I have to stop you here!!!!  
  
Sephiroth Charges withg Murasame in hand, sudenly the earth shakes  
  
Sephiroth: Awwww, Crap, I'm hungy  
  
Runs of into distence screaming that he wants his big mac supersized  
  
Barret: we'd better hurry on to Comso Canyon  
  
Everyone except cait sith: Yeah!!!!!!  
  
Cait Sith:(Holding up severed limb) Why Reeve, Why!!!!! why did you make it so I feel pain!!!!!!  
  
Stay Tuned, I plan on making some freaky chapters which may involve at least one main characters death... duh duh duh!!!!!!!! 


	2. Disco Bugenhagen?

Disclaiming again: I have nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII or anything that has to do with squaresoft, except that I own a whole bunch of games made by them.....YAWWNNN, I'm already getting bored and it's only chapter two, DAMN!!!  
  
Where we last left our heroes they were scratching their heads and saying things like it came out of some crappy anime series. GAWD!!!! What the hell is wrong with me!!! Anyway, in summary, Sephiroth came back, Cloud's been having a seizure the whole story, barrets gone trigger happy, tifa stole Cid's $#%W%*%^%*&%*^ line, Vincent thinks bugenhagens hot, yuffie got choked, Red XIII found out which flea was the one which tasted like cherry, and Cait Sith lost his Arm!!!! Are you bored yet, I am so dearly sorry, all of you, but please please read on!!! If you don't, the people, yeah, you know the people I'm talking about, uh-uh them, they'll come and get me!!! So please read on!!!.........  
  
Everyone walks into cosmo canyon, looking around in awe as they see dusk setting in...  
  
Cid: Hey, That one looks like Tifa's F%$#@^ Tit's!!!  
  
Tifa: What the hell are you looking at!?  
  
Cid: Third from the left rock formation  
  
Everyone agrees in unison  
  
Cloud:(sounding drunk) I drank the water and I have diarrhea now(loud farting noises   
ensue)  
  
Tifa: What the hell is wrong with you guys(starts jumping up and down, evryone starts to stare at her breasts jiggiling) We are here to find out how to revive aeris!!!  
  
Everyones head bobs up and down watching her boobs  
  
Tifa: Good, well, hey wait a second, are you bastards staring at my breasts.   
  
Bugenhagen walks out from behind a bush sighing and pulling his pants up  
  
Bugenhagen: Well, Tifa, It's simple, most people exept for gay people th-  
  
Cloud: WHOOOOOO HHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Bugenhagen: ahem, as I was saying, they only think you're in the game for the sex appeal.(smile, smile smile, smile)  
  
Everyone is staring at Tifa, even Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: Woah, I never noticed what a huge rack She had  
  
Cid slowly begins to drool and collapses on the ground  
  
Barret takes off his gun arm and hits himself in the balls, eyes bluge and he collapes on the ground wimpering  
  
Cid 's cigerette drops out of his mouth, he steps on it and continues druling so much that he falls to the ground and starts saying water....water.....wat-  
  
Red XIII just stands there watching everyone collpase  
  
Cloud suddenly humps out of the wheelchair he was in and holds up a box of suger and chugs it.  
  
Cloud:(Seemingly doing some plug line for a camera) mmmmm mmmhhh Suger baby!!! No one can live without the stuff(More more more starts playing cloud begins dancing)  
  
Bugenhagen begins to dance around  
  
Bugenhagen:(singing in a raspy voice) More more more!!! How do you like it, how do you like it!!! Morre More More!!!!!  
  
Cait Sith:(begins running around wildly) Ahhhh, The music!!!!! Brain overload imminent!!!!!(begins running toward doorway)  
  
Elder:(walking out of doorway) Good thing I found this 500 year old book of our discoverys  
  
Cait sith crashs into him causing the book to fly  
  
Elder: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cait Sith: The Noise!!!!! Self destruct in 3, 2, 1  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
two hours later everyone wakes up not remembering a thing  
  
Cid walks over to barret  
  
Cid: pssstt, should we tell Tifa shes only in this for the Sex appeal and that her shirts missing  
  
Barret:(staring at Tifa) Nope, I don't think we should  
  
Tifa: Ummmm, well Bugenhagen how do bring some back to life who is already dead??  
  
Bugenhagen: Ohhhh, you guys must be retards, you use a pheniox Down on them!!!!!  
  
Tifa: OHHHHhhh.  
  
Bugenhagen: Why don't you guys stay the night,(wink), it might be fun,(wink)  
  
Everyone:(in gay anime style)YEAH!!!!!  
  
Next Time, it will be a very disturbing moment in video game history!!! 


	3. I have been forced to do so

Discliamimer: I don't have anything to do with square..... ZZZZZZZ.... ZZZZZZZZ... ZZZZZZ..... oh, sorry. I don't have anything to do with squaresoft or FF7....ZZZZZ... ZZZZZ... ZZZZZZ.... I amreally sorry. Also, a friendly warning. THIS CHAPTER WAS THE IDEA OF SOMEONE I KNOW WHO WILL KILL ME IF I DO NOT WRITE THIS, GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!!  
  
It is night in Cosmo Canyon, Barret and Cid are sneaking up on the house where cloud is sleeping.  
  
Barret: Come on, let's listen in.  
  
(They listen in to the words that cloud is uttering in his sleep.)  
  
Cloud: People arn't supposed to touch me where my Swimmtrunks are. Choclate icecream goes in the freezer. the green ones make me horny. I want my God damn pudding!  
  
Barret and Cid break out laughing.  
  
Barret: let's just set up the damn camera and go.  
  
As they leave they hear the door to the room open.  
  
Tifa: are you sure we should do this?  
  
Yuffie: OH hell yeah I'm sure!!  
  
Tifa: well, okay....  
  
Muffled nosies come from the room including the sounds of zippers.  
  
Cid: We can use this to blackmail em' in the future!!!  
  
Barret: yeah(shudders)  
  
Sorry if you didn't like it, but the next chapter will be back to all Yuffies evil side stuff, I was oiginally Cid's turtle, but I coouldn't log in. We will also move the action back to vincint. Here's a short preview....  
  
In vincints lab:  
  
Vincint: Ahh, at last I can get back to work at becoming fully human again!!!  
  
Outside of town, a army of squirrals has gathered.   
  
Squirral leader: Chip Chirp Cheip!!!(Let's kill em' all and get a hot dog wrapper while we're at it!!!!)  
  
Duh Duh DUHHHHHH!!!!!!! 


	4. Squirral Vincint

Disclaimer: Hi everybody, if you have actually read this far into my S*&^% stroy then you must have problems or you are really bored, some people say I am even disturbed ^_^. Anyway ,I have nothing to do with FF7, squaresoft does, unless......I buy the compoany and all the rights by buying over 50% of the comapnys stocks!!!! HAH HAHA HAHAHA oops.... You wern't supossed to know that. Uhhhh, yeahhhhhh. Well enjoy my story and this chapter will reveolve around vincint(The creepy guy, but if you're reading this you probably know that already, but if you don't, I'M GONNA KILL YOU BOY!!!!!! KILLLLLL!!!!!!! oops, well enjoy!!!  
  
Where we left our retarded hereos.... Where did I leave them..... Uhhhhhh..... Maybe I shouldn't have written this part.....  
  
Yuffies Evil side(me!!!!):just for your info I was originally Cid's Turtle but I couldn't log in... damn it.... Anyway, hey you dumbass reader!!!  
  
Hobo: Yeah  
  
Me: No, not you, him  
  
Hobo 2: me???  
  
Me: NOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Hermapridate: Me???  
  
Me: Yeah, you!!! Where the hell did I leave off???  
  
Hermapridite: Well, I believe you left off with everyone discovering they just needed to use a phenoix down to revive aeris, and Barret and Cid can now blackmail Tifa anbd Yuffie. Also Cait Sith is dead and bugenhagen can disco. Sephiroth is also eating at mcdonalds.  
  
Me: What ther F%#$# is this bull&^%$, oh well, I'll just use, (underbreath)Stupid F%^&$#@  
  
Hermapridite:Huh???  
  
Me:(quickly) Nothing, Nothing.....  
  
Chapeter 4......  
  
Vincint is in lab in Shinra mansion, mixing things together....  
  
Vincint: If I add some of my hair, some of Sephiroths hair, some cats hair, Tifas hair and Cids hair, and soak it in water for a hour, I get a really wet Hairball!!!!!!! Ohhh, waaaittt, I'm trying to cure myself, back to square one...   
  
Begins throwing darts at a wall, which shows bugenhagen mooning the camra which it was taken with.  
  
Three hours 12 minutes 14 seconds 65 miliseconds 88865 nanoseconds later....  
  
Vincint: At last, I have created the perfect concoction!!!!(Lighting strikes in backround Vincint Jumps)I have to get that fixed.  
  
He drinks the concoction, as the lightning thing breaks so lighting is flashing over and over agin in the room as he collapses on the floor. His last thoughts before blacking out were....(Damn this is like a crappy horror flick!!!!)  
  
Oustide of nibleham, some creepy ass evnts are beginnig to happen......  
  
On the Junon News.....  
  
Anchor: In our top stories today, the nude mud wrestling match occured today between two of the hotest people around in this anchors opinion. Heidegger and Reed!!! oops, I just admitted on the air that I'm really gay. In other News, there are hordes of squirrals with a evil glow in their eyes surronding nibbleham, it should appear that all they need is a leader, so no one should, I reapeat no should try to feed the animals.....  
  
Vincint wakes up and looks in the mirror to discover that he has transformed into... A squirral(it was preety damn obvious if I say so myself!!)  
  
The next morning in Cosmo, everyone is staring around a Tv set, watching this news.  
  
Cloud: I like mud wrestling, especially between fireman!!!  
  
Everybody really hopes to ghet the old cloud back soon.  
  
Tifa: Oh my god!!! We have to go save Nibbleham, it's my hometown after all!!!!(as she does this, she jumps up and down  
  
Yuffie and Red XIII: Yeah!!!! (red XIII gives into urges as a cat like animal and begins licking balls like you see so many cats do)  
  
Yuffie: Oh my GoD!!!!!   
  
Takes out wepon and starts hittng over head. He falls to ground. Having dreams about sleeping.  
Barret: What if we don't want to go.  
  
Cid: Yeah!!!  
  
Tifa: What the hell are you talking about!!!  
  
Barret: We have a video...  
  
Tifa: OF WHAT!!!  
  
Cid: Of what you F%$^%$ did to cloud last night.  
  
Yuffie: I don't know what you're talking about  
  
Barret: I know you two did something to him, we have it on tape!!!  
  
Tifa: Have you even looked at that tape yet??  
  
Cid: Nooooo....  
  
Tifa: We were just drawing on his face, Damn!!!  
  
Cloud: I like eating crayons  
  
Barret: Well.... Cid, can I use your line???  
  
Cid: We'll say it together, okay..  
  
Barret and Cid: WELL S^%$# !!!!!  
  
Everyone begins runnig to Nibbleham to save the town, except for red XIII, whos still licking himself.  
  
Back in nibbleham, where everyone nibbles on ham.....  
  
Vincint squirral runs up the stairs to the rest of the mansion, and goes outside...  
  
The army of squirrals sees him  
  
Squirral 1:(Look, at that evil squirral in the town!!!) then points to Vincint  
  
Squirral 2: (He must be really brave if he is already in the town!!!) then points to Vincint  
  
Every other squirral: (Yeah!!!!) Rushes into town and they place Vincint on shoulders  
  
Squirral 1: (Congrats, you will lead us to control of the town where evryone nibbles on ham!!!!)  
  
Vincint:(????)  
  
Squirral 678.345: (I'm just part of a squirral!!!) Falls to ground dead  
  
Squirral 2: (You are our general, lead us to victory!!!)  
  
Vincint: (Whats in it for me??)  
  
Squirral 45.23: (Power, women and food!!!) Drops to ground dead  
  
Vincint:( hmmmmm.... Okay!!! Charge!!!!) Rushes into town  
  
Other squirrals: (Charge!!!!!!) Rush into town   
  
As the squirrals rush, a man walks out of his house, he holds up a hand...  
  
Man: Stop!!!  
  
Squirrals stop wondering what the F$#@ is wrong with him  
  
Man:(holds up camera) I'm a news junkie and I would like to get a picture for the upcoming invasion, please!!!  
  
All squirrals go into od poses ranging from standing there to kicking the guy next to him in the nuts to soemone doing somehting to the person next to them.  
  
Man: Smile!!!(click)  
  
Squirrals then charge the town, instantly killing him....  
  
I'm starting to get a little bored of all of this, and I might want to do my blooper reel somemore, so I need motivation if you want to see chapter five roll out fast, this also seems to be getting less and less funny, so please send good reviews or e-mail me good reviews to get me writing again. E-mail Authur Yuffies Evil Side(Once was Cid's Turtle) at tardytheturtle1@yahoo.com Please send comments there or review  
  
P.S This s*&^% sucks 


	5. Chilis baby back ribs squirral style

Disclaimer: I do not own squaresoft, Squaresoft does(does that mean that if turned into a soft square I would become rich???) I also have nothing to do with mcdonalds or Chilis except for liking their food, mmmm.... Big Mac with baby Back Ribs. I also do not own N'SYNC or Hanson(thank god) and I wish they would die a horrible death. Also, All character names used are not intended to be that actual person(just in case) And if I die in the middle of writing this, I leave my Dreamcast to........  
  
Anyway, onward to the horrible story!!!!!  
  
Name Change!!! Author Yuffies evil side has changed their pen name to Cids Turtle, May a monkey named Jojo help us all!!!  
  
Turtle: Where we left our heroes, they had just left To go save Nibbleham from the Squirral invasion in which Vincint is leading......  
  
Tifa: Get him!!!!(everyone charges and tackles Turtle) You have turned us into people we aren't!!! Now we will do the same for you!!!!(pile disapates)  
  
Turtle is seen there, he now is a flea, red XIII walks up and eats him  
  
Red XIII: mmmmm, cherry flavered.....  
  
Now for the story....  
  
Everybody rushes into Nibbleham, boss music begins to play  
  
Tifa: We can't take 'em all, only go for the leader!!!  
  
Barret: But FF7's battle system can't handle a battle like that where you keep on going though them until a boss!!!!  
  
Cid: Yeah, we need FFX stuff to do that!!!!  
  
Music changes to FFX boss music, as does the graphics  
  
Red XIII: Better  
  
Everybody charges into the scene, battle begins  
  
Yuffie: AHHHHH!!!! I can't get used to the turn based battle system, I'm to used to the ATB!!!!(Squirrals rush over and engulf her) Oh, my eyes!!! Not the eyes!!!!(they change to neck) phew, better...  
  
Tifa: God damn, that music is really getting annoying!!!  
  
Red XIII: One sec(walks off screen calmly, men screaming are heard)  
Man 1: Ahhh!!!! I can't find my liver!!! Wheres my liver!!!!  
  
Man 2: AHHH!!!! Wheres my heart!!! My Heart!!!  
  
Red XIII walks back onto screen, holding a bag in hand of various organs he took, he hodls it over his head, and drops it on top of his head.  
  
Red XIII: Mmmmm, that sure was worth it, I haven't had a good blood bath since I gave that old guy a triple bypass. mmmmm....  
  
A strange man named strike and another one named Criosphinx walk onto screen  
  
Both: We Will Help  
  
Camera moves, Red XII voice is heard  
  
Red XIII: They don't just call me red due to my fur....  
  
Screaming heard  
  
Strike: My Jugular!!!!  
  
Criosphinx: My Brain!!!!  
  
Both die, Red XIII rolls around in their carcasses  
  
The battle rages on....  
  
Tifa: I can't handle them, too many are going after my upper body!!!  
  
Cid: I can see why, he he he...  
  
Barret: This is no time to be thinking about that!!! we need to think about food!!!  
  
Cid: (Smacks hand in face, his brute strenth knocks him out)  
  
Barret: Speaking of Food, Where's Sephiroth, he was at Mcdonalds last I checked...  
  
Sephiroth flies in on a magic Jalapeno, now dresses in a Chili's employee uniform  
  
Sephiroth: Have no fear!!! Sephiroth is here!!!!  
  
Cloud: CHOO CHOO!!!! Chuga chuga chuga chuga WHOOO WHOOOO!!!!!(train noises) I'm driving a spaceship!!!!  
  
Barret: Greattttt, just what we need...  
  
Sephiroth: I shall defeat alll the squirral with this!!!!(reaches down to pull out soemthing from where sword normally is, he pulls out a pan)  
  
Sephiroth: I have learned the culinary skills of making Chilis baby back Ribs!!! I will cook all of you Squirrals, and to get me in the mood, I have brought in N'SYNC to sing the baby back ribs theme!!!!  
  
N'SYNC: I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs, I want my baby back, baby back rins. CHILIS baby back ribs, barbeque sauce!!!!!  
  
Red XIII: Die!!!!! (Charges into them, High pitched screaming occurs, all us haters of them cheer wildly, for all those who like them, you shouldn't be reading this...)  
  
Sephiroth: Bring in the back ups!!!!  
  
Hanson walks in, everybody screams with horror  
  
Hanson: mmmm bop do die do wop, yeah yeah, mm-  
  
Barret empties gun on them  
  
Barret: Die, all of you!!! Die You made my marlene have a sex change!!!!  
  
Hanson 1: My only... Regret.... is not telling them..... I actually am...... a girl.......  
  
Sephiroth: mmmm.... hanson..... AH, die, all of you!!!!!(begins pounding squirrals on head with pan)  
  
30 minutes later.....  
  
Sephiroth: Ah, 97 batches of baby back ribs, everybody, dig in!!!!(townspeople also dig in)  
  
20 minutes later...  
  
Sephiroth: Did you enjoy that??? Well it will be your last meal becasue I poisoned your portions!!!!(points at heros) Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Points over to side of townspeople  
  
Sephiroth: AW S#$%(all people are dead)  
  
Sephiroth: Damn you, now I must finsih off Aeris's body!!!(somehow flies off)  
  
Barret: Since when did he have wings????  
  
Tifa: We have to follow him in the highwind!!!! Cid is it working!!!???  
  
Cid: (Walking out of shop) Yeah, just give me a minute, The Dark matter engine was jammed up so I'm detonating a small A-bomb to un jamm it, no prblems, okay???  
  
Tifa: Cid you Stupid Dumb ASS!!!!!!!  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Find out what happens next time on the adventures of N'SYNC, I mean, Cloud's sanity, I mean, ah F$%^ it, tune in for the next chapter in my demented story!!!! 


	6. not of this idiotic world

Discaliamer: I have nothing to do with squaresoft or final fantasy, they do,(there are 10 differnt final fantasys anyway, why can't they just decide which one is their final fantasy, DAMMIT!!!!) Uhhhh, yeah, I don't own elton john(thank god, he may try to rape me!!!!) Also, I don't own Universal Studios or The Men in Black(the truth is out ther, wait, S#$%, that's the X-files, sob..... And that's about it I hope, damn, I can't write good discliamers anymore, tut tut.....  
  
Turtle: Where we left our heroes, a big nuclear explosion had just occured, Sephiroth can fly, and is now a cook!!!! What demented happenings will happen next, could this episode be dramatic, or will it just be stupid, ah, probably the last one(he he, I enjoy insulting my own works)  
  
Anyway.....  
  
Chapter 6, which may eventually be crammed into a completly differnt chapter, wah ha ha ha ha!!!!  
  
five minutes after the explosion....  
  
Cloud wakes up, however, he is still insane and not aware of what he's doing...  
  
Cloud:(doing riverdance) Jimmy Crack corn, and I don't care, Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care!!!! Jimmy crack cornnnnn, and I don'ttttt caarrrrreeeee!!!!!  
  
Peice of debris hits him on head, causing him to collapse back onto the ground.  
  
30 minutes later....  
  
Tifa: (waking up) huh.... where the hell am I......(looks around) oh, well then...(cricks knuckles) EVERYBODY, GET THE F%$#@@# HELL UP!!!!!!!  
  
Everybody slowly gets up but barret, who is still out  
  
Barret:(muttering) ohhhh, yesssss, yessssss, please, harder, harder, ohhhhh, yes cloud, yes....  
  
Everybody: (stares at him admitting he's gay)  
  
Barret: More, More, More, don't stop!!!!!  
  
Everybody: Uhhhhhhh  
  
Barret: You're getting better, oh yeahhhh, nice.... You're goooodddd.... mmmmm, so good...... AT HITTING GOLFBALLS!!!!(this is highly similar to something I read somewhere before involving rufus and lunch....)  
  
Barret:(wakes up on own) Huh, what the hell are all you guys staring at me for???  
  
Everyone: (silence)  
  
Barret:(grabs yuffie and puts gun to her head)  
  
Barret: Tell me!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone:(silence)  
  
Cid: (shruggs shoulders) meh....  
  
Yuffie: oh, thanks a lot you guys  
  
Barret pulls trigger, yuffie collapses, dead  
  
Tifa: well, we can't revive her, we need our last pheniox down for Aeris(holds up Pheniox down, then drops it by accident, it lands on Yuffies Carcass)  
  
Yuffie:(stands back up) Hah, you all died too, serves you right you stupid basterds!!!!  
  
Cid: We ain't dead, and you say it like this: !@#$%^%^&&*&*^^$%$##$@%^(^(^(*&  
  
camera goes blank for a few minutes..... eventually, it turns back on.  
  
Yuffie is standing there dressed like George W. Bush while tied up to a cross stuck in the ground, everyone has various fruits in hand...  
  
Yuffie: Wait..... How the hell did we get from that to george W. Being me and being hailed as a christ figure..  
  
Barret: Yeah, it was like a flash, how did it happen  
  
Man dressed in balck walks up to them...  
  
Man: That's only for the Men in Black to know, now look at this...(takes out Nuerilizer, I can't spell it, Damn!!!!)  
  
Tifa: Whats the red thing(FLASH!!!!)  
  
Man: You remember getting really drunk and screwing anything you saw, got it....  
  
Walks off  
  
Tifa: Oh, my god, I used our last Pheniox down on Yuffie,(muttering) stupid ho...  
  
Cid: Well, #@$%^&*&*^%$#@!@#$%^&*  
  
Barret: I guess we better go to rocket town then to buy more, and figure out a way to get to The city of the ancients!!!!(creepy music plays in backround)  
  
Tifa: Red XIII, I thought you rolled around in their carcasses, go kill them again.  
  
Red XIII: Odio esta historia y quiero algún queso ahora mismo, entonces vaya se joden  
  
Everyone: HUH????  
  
Red XIII: You don't wanna know what I just said.  
  
Barret: hurls grenade at them, screams heard  
  
Man: My hair, it's on fire!!!! Wait I don't have hair, my brain is on fire!!!!  
  
Man: This is the sixth time this week, damn you!!!!!  
  
Cid: Let's go.....  
  
three days and many cans of Tequilla later.....  
  
Cid: AH, my hold F$%#% home, it's good to the see the stupid basterd.  
  
Cloud: Can a ford pickup truck drive in space???? Aeris, my mommy says that doctors are evil basterds, so since you try to play doctor with me, I should kill you.....  
  
Tifa: OH MY GOD!!!!! AERIS IS JUST A DIRTY HO!!!! WE CAN'T REVIVE HER!!!!  
  
Barret: we need her to stop Sephiroth....  
  
Tifa: ohhhh yeeeahhhhhhh  
  
Rocketman by elton john begins playing in backround....  
  
Cloud suddenly snaps out of insaneness.  
  
Cloud: Huh, where the hell am I???  
  
Tifa: Clouds back, now he can just kill Sephiroth!!!!!  
  
Cloud: What the hell is that annoying music????  
  
Barret: I think it snapped him out of his seisures(reaches over and covers Clouds ears)  
  
Cloud:(insane again) Ain't no lie, baby bye bye bye, BYE BYE!!!!  
  
Everyone: AHHHH!!!!! Stop the evilness, oh the horror, the horror!!!!  
  
Silence, everyone just realizes they just said the same thing  
  
Everyone: That was weird  
  
More silence, for reasons of above  
  
Everyone: So was that  
  
More silence  
  
Everyone: Ricky Martin is a fruit!!! Wow......  
  
Cid: Okay, enough of that stupid S#$%, lets get down to buissness, barret, please make him stop singing...  
  
Barret: okay(realeases clouds ears.)  
  
Cid: So, we can use cloud if he's listening to that song, I don;t think it's on record because I've never heard it before.  
  
Everyone looks around for noise, find Elton John playing piano in middle of Rocket launch site.  
  
Cloud: Who are you???  
  
Elton: My name is Elton John, I am from a planet called earth, and I have no idea why I am here.  
  
Barret: We need you to come with us, we need you to play that music when we tell you to, this guy goes insane otherwise.  
  
Elton: Welllllll, Oka-  
  
A katana is seen flashing though air, Strike is seen holding it, standing behind him is Criosphrinx, holding a shotgun.  
  
Barret: Hey, I thought you guys were dead!!!  
  
Strike: We have powers....  
  
Crio: Yeah  
  
Cid: Well, why the F$%&*$ hell did you kill him!!!!  
  
Crio: We had our orders...  
  
Tifa: Who sent them!!!  
  
Strike: A man named turtle, Cids Turtle....  
  
Red XIII: Does he have powers too???  
  
Crio: yep, his are very powerful, he sent us to stop him from ruining the story...  
  
Red XIII: can you take us across the ocean???  
  
Strike: No, but he could, but you need to get his permission  
  
Barret: Well then get it!! DAMMIT!!!!!  
  
Later, back at Turtles headquarters....  
  
Strike: Please, your story sucks anyway, lets just end the samn thing!!!!!  
  
Crio: Yeah, Come on!!!!  
  
Turtle: No, I will strech this story out as long as possible, got it...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Strike: Oh come on!!!  
  
turtle: Guards!!!  
  
Two needles come down and inject both of them...  
  
Strike: mmm, everything looks like cool things, mmmmmm......  
  
Crio: hey, it didn;t work my was full of air, ARRRGGGGGG!!!!!!  
  
Collapses to ground, dead.... again......  
  
Back in Rocket Town...  
  
Cid: They aern't coming back, are they???  
  
Tifa: nope, I bought a bunch of pheniox downs, lets get outta here, okay.  
  
Cid: Waitttt!!!!!! I just remebered, I have a plane!!!!  
  
Tifa: it got stolen, remember!!!!  
  
Cid: No, another, I call it the little white fluffy bunny!!!!!  
  
Everyone walks into cids backyard, a white version of the little bronco is there. Complete with painted Rabits on it.  
  
Cid: I have a thing for white rabbits....  
  
Minutes later, everyone cramms in and flies off......  
  
Later  
  
Yuffie: and for our in flight entertainment, Riverdance!!!(begins doing riverdance on tip of plane)  
  
Barret: BOOOO!!!! You SUCK!!!!(throws large pinapple at her)  
  
Yuffie: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!(falls though propeller, somehow lands on plane injust two peices, top half falls of.  
  
Tifa: let's just use a pheniox down...(uses one, the legs start licking around, and sit down)  
  
Barret: Ahhhhh!!!!!! Wher the hell is the body!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: meh, close enough....  
  
This chapter sucked, didn't it???? I just wanted to write this one, I may go over to another fic or somehting, but I like chapters 1 and 5 the best, what do you think, send your opinions to tardytheturtle1@yahoo.com also, Strike and Criosphinx are authors on this site, so that's why they have powers. Uhhh, that's it I guess, crappy chapter, crappy stroy ,see you round!!!!  
  
~MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, NOW YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!! 


	7. Attack of the authors

Discliamer: I have nothin to do with squaresoft or anything like that, even if they changed their name to softsquare or rabid squirral squad. I also have nothing to do with anything actually, except sit in this dark, damp room all day and write these stories at gunpoint. Also, If Criosphinx is to read this story, I did not mean to offend you in any way,shape or form(I have killed him twice so far), please do not put me in your story just to kill me many times, I won't kill you again(maybe I'll kill strike, or falmingfireballkirby) Anyway, this S^%$ sucks and I only know a few people who read it nayway, sooooooo..... yeaaaahhhhhhh, I'm willing to take suggestions for future chapters.  
  
Turtle: Let's see here.... where I left the people, they were just getting on a plane bound for the city of the ancients, let's me see, should I do something to them, yes, maybe I should, he he he he......  
  
Cloud's Insanity, Chapter 7: Attack of the authors....  
  
The Small, short distence hopping plane continues to fly toward the forest where they first found their way into the city, this time, to save just one person, not the whole damn world!!!(waitttt, mayyybeeee they are, he he he.... MWA HA HA HA!!!!)  
  
Cloud: My brain feels funny(he points to his foot) And I have to throw up(he points to his other foot) BLEEEAHHHH!!!!(throws up over side of ship)  
  
Tifa: You, know, it's kind of weird, you know, someone is controling what happens to us, none of this would have happened if it that phycopathic dumbass hadn't done that, I would hav-  
  
ZAP!!!!!  
  
Lighting hits Tifa, she collapses in a fizzled heap on the ground.  
  
Tifa: help....... me.......  
  
Barret: one sec.  
  
BAM!!!! shoots her in the face  
  
Cid: What the F$%^ id you do that for!!!  
  
Barret: I can use a pheniox down on her, see(uses pheniox down)  
  
Tifa: Oh, thanks a lot!!! You could have just used a X-position or an elixer, you didn't have to take the fast, cheap way out, like all americans do!!! Waaaitttt, what is an american, AHHH!!!! Turtle is controling me!!!!  
  
meanwhile....  
  
Turtle: Hah ha, yes, thats it, now throw yourself off the plane, after beating up barret becasue you think he took your shirt off while you were asleep last night!!!! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
Man: Sir, theres a Strike and a Criosphinx here to see you.  
  
Turtle: Let them in.  
  
Strike:(rushes up to Turtle and holds his Katana up to his neck) Move and you die  
  
Crio runs up to him and puts shotgun to the side of his forehead  
  
Crio: We're the new bosses around here, got it  
  
Turtle: There are at least 7 ways I can think of to kill both of you right now, and Crio, why are you alive, I thought I killed you in the real world, you can't reveive from that!!  
  
Strike: Simple, I took him to the FF7 world and used a pheniox down on him Dumbass!!!  
  
Turtle: I have a meeting, so if you'll excuse me, He will come in here any minute now...  
  
Crio: Oh yeah, who he he!!(cocks gun)  
  
Turtle: His name is FlamingFireballKirby  
  
Strike: Huh???  
  
Crio: It's Flaming Fireball Kirby in one word!!! I would think you would have gotten that...  
  
Strike: I guess those druggs are still wearing off, hey pie!!!!  
  
Strike pounts to a portreit of a peice of Cow S#$%(this proves just how insane I am)  
  
Crio: No, thats not Pie!!!(hits him in stomach with butt of gun)  
  
Strike: Hu-  
  
Then, door bursts open, a man is seen standing there...  
  
Turtle: Ahhhh, FlamingFireballKirby, nice to see you  
  
Crio: Hey, get out of here, we're doing something!!!  
  
Fireball: I have buissness with him, you should leave...  
  
Strike: Hell no!!!  
  
Fireball: Fine then.(holds up hnad and flicks it to the right, they both fly across the room to the right, they both land on their backs)  
  
Strike: OW, my eye!!!!(holds eye, gets up, and rushes out of the room)  
  
Strike:(in distence) Wheres the bathroom, somethings oozing out of my eye!!!!  
  
Crio: OW, my- wait, nothing hurts.. I'd better go help Strike!!!(rushes out of room to go help him)  
  
Fireball: Why didn't you take them, I know you could, unlessss....  
  
Turtle: My powers are not fading, I wanted to see what you could do, now, you know what you must do, I will send you to the world, then, you then must do your job, and do it well, or I will not pay you at all!!!!  
  
Fireball: I understand....  
  
Back to the main characters!!!!  
  
Barret: Dmanit!!! Yuffie's Legs are trying to get out of her restraints again!!!!  
  
Cid: One sec,(Picks her up and throws her off the ship) Damn ,that felt good, now to relax(apparently doing some plug) And nothing relaxs you better, or suffacates you more than Camel Super duper extra super tar. It's so damn thick ,its like smoking 800 cigerettes at once, Lung cancer, here I come!!!!  
  
That fast voice in commercials: Some side effects include, Cancer , Diabetes, Aids, Insatnt death, Stroke, or heart attacks, this happens in 99% of all users.  
  
Tifa, Red XIII: ?????  
  
Cid: Huh, I don't remember anything I said in the last 30 seconds...  
  
Barret: Yeah, well, look, theres land!!!! it must be that continent which has no name!!!  
  
Everyone murmurs in agreement  
  
Tifa: Let us try to land the plane!!!  
  
Barret: That's kinda obvious Tifa....  
  
Tifa: AHHHH SHUTT UP!!!!!(puches Barret in balls, casuing them to be crushed as he falls to the ground moaning weakly)  
  
Tifa: I could kill you, and use a pheniox down on ya, then you'd get 'em back!!  
  
Barret: n....e....v...e....r....mind  
  
Red XIII: Who's that??  
  
Fireball is seen floating in midair  
  
Barret:(holds up megaphone) Who are you???  
  
Fireball: I have ben sent to prolong your journey, now back to rocket town with all of you!!!!(holds up hand and a fireball begins to appear in his hand) This fireball will slowly push the plane back to rocket town, no matter how hard you try to fight it, I made it slow to prolong the process even longer!!! Now, be prolonged!!!(shoots fireball)  
  
Everyone: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!(somehow, no one makes a move for the controls)  
  
Strike: NOOOOO!!!!!!(jumps in front of fireball, casuing him to be set on fire) IT BUURRRRNNNNSSSS!!!!!  
  
Crio:(dashs in) try this(uses some potion on him)  
  
Strike: Thanks.  
  
Crio stares at him, never blinking, he nodds  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio:(nod)  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio:(nod)  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio:(nod)  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio:(nod)  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio:(nod)  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio:(nod)  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio:(nod)  
  
Strike:(nod)  
  
Crio: OKAY!!!!!!(pulls out shotgun and turns to Fireball, he charges him) DIIIIEEEE!!!!!!  
  
Strike turns to face Everyone  
  
Strike: We are on your side, do not kill us. We are in this story trying to stop Turtle and Fireball from prolonging this story as long as possible becasue, frankly, we think this story sucks!!!(turns around to see Fireballholding him by the hair with one hand, and punching him in the face with the other) He's doing fine... Anyway, we also think you are being mistreated, and you are treated much better in his story, so we would like you to come with us, I mean, he doesn't control you there, he just uses his powers to make Tifas shirt dissapear, oh.... wait..... GOD DAMN IT!!!! Anyway, we're the good guys here and with your help, we can beat these guys(looks back to crio, he is nowbeing swung around in circles very quickly, he drops his shotgun)  
  
Crio: AHHHHHHHhhhhhhAHHHHHHHhhhhhAHHHHHHHhhhhAHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Fireball stops and lets him go  
  
Crio: woahhh, I'm really dizzy right nooowwww....  
  
Strike:(holds his Katana aloft) CHARGE!!!!!!  
  
Strike charges into the fray  
  
Fireball holds up hand and fires a force of powerful wind, it rips the wings off the little white fluffy rabbit(cids new plane) and tosses Strike and Criosphinx down towards the ground  
  
Fireball: Humph, easy enough, three birds with one scone, I mean, stone, DAMN IT!! Back to turtle no, I suppose....  
  
Tifa: AHHH we're gonna crash!!!!!  
  
Everyone else screams except for cloud  
  
Cloud: My mom tells me not to set flower shops on fire anymore.  
  
Meanwhile, closer to the surface....  
  
Strike: OOWWWW!!!!! My other eye!!!!  
  
Crio: Where the hells my shotgun??!!!  
  
BLAM!!! Red XIII falls limply off the plane  
  
While all this is happening, Sephiroth flies over on his magic Jalepano  
  
Sephiroth: Pitiful fools, well, eat this posioned food!!!! It will either land on you, or you will eat it and die!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Now, to set flame to Aeris's body after covering it with miracle grow!!!! MWA HA HA HA!!!  
  
Authors note: I wonder if that would really work???  
  
What will happen to our heroes?? Will the story be stopped by Strike and Crio(actual authors on this site) Or will it be kept going forever and ever by Turtle and fireball(also authors) Or will Sephiroth's new cooking finally get them?? Find out next time!!!!  
  
P.S I can fit many authors into my story at this point on one of two sides, the Stop the story side or the Turtle side, if you wish to get in this story, e-mail me at tardytheturtle1@yahoo.com and tell me which side you wish to be on, and a little about yourself, also, how you wish to be armed(realistic) Or just tell me all of this in a review.  
  
Later  
  
~Cids Turtle 


	8. The battle system Machine

Disclaimer: I do not own squareosft or sony, DAMN!!!!! I also do not own anything else I use in this fic becasue I am getting really annoyed about righting these F$%^in disclaimers, I hope I don't go over the edge, or Someone might have to call upon the Afro hero justice leauge to stop me, Turtle Head hurt now, BRAGGH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Turtle: Okay, now, that was some really messed up s#$% that I just wrote. SO, in the last chapter, a war seems to be breaking out of people trying to stop the story while others seem to be trying to keep it going. Soon, mercinaries from all over Fanfiction.net will be here, trying to help win the war!!! oh, yeah... With the other guys, the plane just crashed, Everrybody is near their goal, but can they beat Sephiroth??? Also, what ever happened to Squirral Vincint???  
  
Back in the ruins of Nibbleham, famous for nibble sized bits of ham.....  
  
Vincintsquirral:(huh??? What the hell happend here, did we win, did we lose, do I have an afro?? Did bugenhagen marry me?? sigh... so many unanswered questions. WHYYYY!!!!! Lucredicia!!! WHY!!!!! WHY did you leave me!!!!  
  
basically, Vincint has an emotional breakdown... mmmm...... break it down......  
  
Vincint:(NOW I"M REALLY MAD FOR ABSOLUTLY NO REASON AT ALL!!!!)limit break occurs, sending him his human form  
  
Vincint: hmmmmm...(walks off into distence with gun over shoulder, the sun sets in front of him. Western music starts playing, he holds his gun out to one side and fires, the noise quickly becomes a slow, loud farting noise which is subdued with another shot)  
  
Back at the continent which has no name....  
  
Cid: AHHHH!!!!! Holy Mother F%^&*$ S$#@ This things going down!!!!  
  
Cloud: This is just like sitting down on a couch!!!  
  
Tifa: Oh my god, one of us has to live so they can use a pheniox down!!!!  
  
Cid: dibbs on the parachute!!!!(grabs it and jumps off) S^%$, this was my fake in case anyone ever did that to me!!!!  
  
Barret:(grabs other parachute, points gun at everyone) Saty the hell away form it!!!  
  
Cloud twitches  
  
BLAM!!!! BLAM!!!!!!!! BLAM!!!! BLAM!!!!   
  
Barret: See ya!!!(he jumps and pulls chute)  
  
Tifa: NOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Cloud:(in cowboy voice) I just wish I had time for one last bowl of Chili.....  
  
BOOOMMMM!!!!!!  
  
in the distence.....  
  
Stevan:(this is an author who has asked to be a part of this story) Oh nooo..... Aeris could've been on that plane. MY LIFE IS RUINED!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!(rushes off into distence, once tripping over his massive broadswoard, his requested weapon)  
  
five minutes later....  
  
Barret: Now to revive the last person, well, cat, Red XIII.(uses pheniox down)  
  
Cid: uhhh, guys, we have a problem.   
  
Tifa: yeah, what is it???  
  
Cid: Back in Nibbleham when we got the FFX battle thang going, we got this battle system generator..  
  
Tifa: WHAT!!!!!  
  
Cid: Yeah, it holds up what kind of a battle you would use in that world. Well, its been st to random every 20 minutes in the crash.   
  
Tifa: How long ago did we crash!!!???  
  
Cid: 19 minutes ago  
  
Barret: SH&^ we'd better get ready for anything, even Sephiroth having a Mohawk!!!  
  
Red XIII: That has absolutly nothing to do with battle, you realize.  
  
Barret: AHHHHH SHUT UP!!!!!  
  
Takes offf gun arm and throws at him. Red XIII's neck breaks  
  
Red XIII: El Gato Pego su pata en el enchufe electrico......  
  
Cid: ?????  
  
Barret: I am fluent in spanish thanks to this online dictionary!!!!(holds up) What he just said means the cat stuck its paw in the electric socket!!!  
  
Tifa: Why would he say that??  
  
Barret:(beating Red XIII head now with gun) to take his mind off the pain!!!!  
  
Cid: If you break your neck....  
  
Barret: oh...  
  
Tifa: guys, we need to stop killing everyone, we only have two pheniox downs left, and one's for Aeris!!!  
  
Barret: Finee....(kicks ground lightly) one sec....(Pulls out rope and ties Red XIII up to a tree, uses gun arm as a bat and uses Red XIII as a pinata) Where's the candy Bitch!!!!! Where is it!!!!!  
  
a few minutes later...  
  
Barret: all done(Red XII's body is a big glob of guts all over the ground) I was in the zone..... oh yeah!!!!  
  
Tifa: whatever(uses pheniox down)  
  
Red XIII: Cid, what battle system are we using now??  
  
Cid: it says FF8  
  
Barret:It's not that differnt form this one, right???  
  
Tifa: i dunno, never used it..  
  
Suddenly, a group of theivces jump out from the bushes.  
  
Theif 1:(singing) We will take all of your possesions  
  
Theif 2:(singing) even all your clothes  
  
Theif 3:(singing) If you resist we will kill you at the hands of these.....(everyone pulls out a cutlass at the same time)  
  
Theif 4:(singing) If you go peacefully we shall let you live....  
  
all thieves:(singing) We call ourselves the.... RIVER THIEVES!!!!! break it dowwwwnnnnn!!!!!(all grab hands and start square dancing..... wait.... I mean riverdancing.....wait, I mean gay dancing.... Wait..... Breakdancing..... AH, just think of any god damn dance ya want!!!)  
  
Theif 1: Attack!!!!!  
  
Battle ensues  
  
Barret: ARRGHH!!!! My attacks, they do nothing, they do nothing!!!!  
  
Cid: G Fu&^%$# F, what the F%$^ is a GF!!!!!  
  
Tifa: why can't I tell when my limit breaks coming up!!!! Oh, wait, whats this right arrow, oh.... he he he he he he.....  
  
ten minutes later....  
  
Cid: Huh, we did to them what they said they would do to us.  
  
Barret: What a strange world we live in....  
  
at a beach near Rocket town.....  
  
Yuffies legs have washed up on shore, a short distence away is her body. Vincint randomly walks into scene.  
  
Vincint: HUh??? where the hell am I? I was buying a double whopper at the rocket Town Burger King a second ago...(sees Yuffies Body split in two.)hmmmm.....  
  
ten minutes later..  
  
Yuffie: Sewing me up like that was really painful you know!!!!(she slaps him in the face)  
  
Vincint: I could just kill you(points gun at her face)  
  
yuffie: No, no, thats okay....  
  
they walk off in direction of rocket town, Yuffie begging Vincint for some materia.  
  
At turtle hideout, somewhere in either the real world or FF.net, the exact place cannot be named........  
  
Turtle: hmmmm..... They seem to be moving ahead no matter what minor obsticles I have fireball throw at them. I need some time to think. hmmm.... I'll need pizza, lots of pizza. Guard, call Dominos!!!  
  
guard: You blew the place up sir  
  
Turtle: Round Table  
  
Guard: You hated their prices so much you made mosotov cocktail using gas tanks with money and blew the place up.  
  
turtle: Papa Murpheys?  
  
Guard: You found the pizza cold, sir, ytou used liquid nitrogen on their stores  
  
turtle: Pizza Hut???  
  
Guard: You went on a murderous rampage after discobering it didn't look like a hut at all....  
  
Turtle: Well, what the hells left!!!!  
  
Guard: Chicago Pizza  
  
turtle: Oh dear god!!! NOOOO!!!! The horror, the horror!!!!!! I'll just make my own. Guard make me some pizza.  
  
Guard: errrr.... right, right away sir!!!  
  
Guard storms off  
  
Turtle: excellent....  
  
back in the creepy ass world!!!!(ff7)  
  
Cid: Lets hurrry up and get to the forgotten capital(everyone runs off)  
  
Back in Rocket town, night has settled in....  
  
Scene just shows a window in the inn, loud banging nosies heard from inside.  
  
?????1: Stay away form me!!!  
  
????2?: Why did you try that you idiot!!!!  
  
??????1: I have an obsession with them!!!!  
  
??????2: You should know better than to try it!!!  
  
??????1: Bu-  
  
Window where camera is breaks, Yuffie flies though and lands on her back. Vincint appears at window.  
  
Vincint: Never, ever, try to touch my materia, ya theif!!!!  
  
Yuffie: I've never been rejected from materia like that in my life......sob.....  
  
Anyway, a little while later at the entrance to the forgotten capital.....  
  
Cid: uhhh.... guys.... the battle system is changing again....  
  
Tifa: Now what?  
  
Cid: It's changed to Legend of Legaia. never heard of it.  
  
Cloud: I once shoved a Cd up my ass to see what would happen  
  
Barret: rigghhhttt... well, lets just get in there(walsk forward)  
  
Lots of people jump in from out of nowhere  
  
guy 1: You beat some of us up earlier, now you're gonna pay!!!!  
  
Battle theme starts, this time it's the Legend of Legaia one(if you've nevber played it before, the next part will make no sense at all, for those of you who have,enjoy!!!)  
  
Barret: I choose what I wan to attack with, what the hell is this!!!!????  
  
Tifa: I think I got the hang of it!!!(Miracle art ensues) Try comboing differnt moves  
  
Red XIII: I can only attack with my bite, sob.... this battle system sucks for us cats... sob....  
  
Cid: Ra-seru!!!! What the F%^&$% hell is a Ra-Seru!!!!!  
  
Suddenly, a man with a massive swoard flashes around killing all who cross his path......  
  
  
Oh my god!!!! The next chapter I put up could be the final one!!!! I could actually bring this story to some sort of a conclusion!!!! Anyway, I'll put up cahpter nine at some point, and if you wanna be in the story, just e-mail me at tardytheturtle1@yahoo.com, and tell me your author name, a breif description of yourself, what weapon you would perfer to fight with, and what side of the author war you would like to be on. ANyway, see you readers around!!!  
  
Authors final note: This S^&* ain't nowhere near over yet. 


	9. squirrals can fly too

Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with anything, all I ever do is sit in the dark little corner of my room fearing the world around me. I might also eat, I don't know yet. If you believe I am insane, that's probably true. I can't write funny disclaimers anymore. : (  
  
Important thangs!!!!!  
  
Criosphinx has changed his name to Phuzz  
  
Cinnamon chaos will be in this chapter  
  
Is Cid's Turtle a boy or a girl!!!????  
  
uhhh. yeah, let's move on to the story......  
  
On the northern continent, in the forgotten capital  
  
Cid: What the F%$# was that!!! There was a flash of a sword and then nothing!!!!  
  
Stevan:(holding broadsword over shoulder)That would be me(to be said in a calm voice)I killed them all. I am here to help you because.... well......(rushes up to barret) DO YOU THINK I CAN GET A DATE WITH AERIS IF I REVIVE HER!!!!!  
  
Barret: no  
  
Stevan: how about an autograph??  
  
Barret: maybe  
  
Stevan: how about a beating over the head with a sharp, blunt object??  
  
Barret: Yeah, that's more like it....  
  
Stevan: Anyyyyywayyy, I'll try to help you guys out(turns around, with massive sword, clubs everyone onto the ground)  
  
Red XIII: I have a warm feeling inside of my head, could it be a vision???? No, wait.. it's a stroke.(thud)  
  
Tifa: Greeeaaatttt, now how the hell are we gonna bring him back!!!???  
  
Barret: YES!!!!!! a body to beat up!!!!(grabs body and rushes off the screen, loud thumping nosies heard)  
  
Stevan: Well, I do have a pheniox down or two....  
  
Cid: Gimme that!!!!!!(uses it on Red XIII)  
  
Barret: Come on, we need something to beat up!!! I mean, hes the only one who won't use his damn level four limit break scroll.  
  
Red XIII: I like my level threes....  
  
Tifa: guys lets just go....  
  
Barret: waaaiiittttttt, the new guy, he doesn't have limnit breaks!!! KILL!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: NOOO!!!! BARRET STOP!!!!!! stevan is like Criophinx and strike, just hopefully a better fighter  
  
Barret: oh  
  
In the meantime, in rocket town.....  
  
Vincint: We need to get across the ocean to the others.  
  
Yuffie: But they took the plane!!!!  
  
Vincint: Look, theres someone now!!!  
  
they walk over to man  
  
Vincint: can you get us to the northern continent???  
  
Man: Well, I can shoot you out of this cannon here, you might make it, sorta depends weather or not ya skip when ya hit the the water  
  
vincint: WH-(limit break runs out and vincint becomes a squirral again  
  
Man: OH BOY!!!!! A Perfect Test specimen!!!!  
  
man shoves vincint squirral into cannon  
  
Man: Fire(war of 1812 stars playing) duh duh duh duh da duh da dah duh da!!!! BOOM!!!!  
  
Vincint squirral flies off into the distence  
  
Yuffie: No!!!!! Turtle!!! Don't make me sing it!!!!!  
  
Yuffie puts hand up to chest  
  
Yuffie: Oh say does that star spangled banner yetttt wwwaaavvveee, for the land of the free, and the homeeee of the gaaaayyyyy, I mean brave!!!!  
  
At Turtle headquarters:  
  
Turtle: Fireball, report!!!  
  
Fireball: They seem to get past whatever doohickey I throw at them  
  
Turtle: Have you been trying??  
  
Fireball: no  
  
Turtle: What have you been doing....  
  
Fireball: Having drinking contests with toddlers, I always win wo it makes me feel good.....  
  
Turtle: I'll motavate you with a random author search, this person will join you, so o outside, ytou will meet them in a moment.  
  
Fireball: Okay.... I got a toddler and a few tequillas out there anyway  
  
Turtle: Now to press the big red button to blow this place up, I means the green one to bring a random author here.(presses button)  
  
beeping nosies occur, vivi appears  
  
turtle: whoops, I pressed the wrong button  
  
Vivi: NOOO!!!! don't make me go back there, I can make you happy!!!(snaps, hula music begin)  
  
Vivi begins to hula  
  
Vivi: akikiakanukkiayyyyyyy(I have no idea what the hell it means, or anything else, when I say it, it just sounds right)  
  
Turtle: I can't send you back....  
  
Vivi:(still hulaing)oh  
  
snaps fingers agin, techno begins playing  
  
Vivi: Break dance!!!!(begins head spin)  
  
Turtle: lets try agin, pushes a differnt button, a man appears holding a staff  
  
Turtle: BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That staff you hold is made for magic people who are women!!!!(points to pink staff)  
  
?????: Shut up!!!!(casts stop)  
  
Turtle:(holds up hand, reflects it)  
  
Guard: sir, your pizza is re-(frozen)  
  
Turtle: I need you to help a man in the hall, he is in my story and can't seem to prolong it very well, I need you to help.  
  
Fireball:(from hall) I won't let a toddler outdrink me!!!!!-hic-  
  
Turtle: Name???  
  
?????: Cinnamon chaos  
  
Turtle: Okay  
  
Cinnamon: I'll help you on one condition.  
  
Turtle: Namt it  
  
Cinnamon: Afterwrads, I want you to get all the FF girls, tie them up, and put them in a room, with one shelf completly covered in differnt kinds of alcehol(he he, spelled wrong) Then, I want to walk up to Tifa, and  
  
Turtle: don't want to hear this!!!!!!!  
  
Cinnamon: Welll????  
  
Turtle: fine, just go meet him  
  
Fireball:(in hall) NOOOOO!!!!!!! He outdrank me!!!! I feel so useless!!!!! How could I lose!!!!!!!!  
  
Turtle: pitiful......  
  
Back at the forgotten capital  
  
Tifa: this is it, we can revive Aeris...  
  
Stevan: PLeasseee, let me use the pheniox down!!!!  
  
Tifa: NO!!!!!  
  
Stevan: comne on!!!!  
  
Tifa: NOOOOO!!!!!(slaps him)  
  
Cloud: old damn lady jumping off a cliff, jumping off a cliff, jumping off a cliff, old damn lady jumping off a cliff, listen to her scream!!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth once again flies in, now in a flying beer bottle  
  
Sephiroth: I have gone back to my old ways, except now I drink too!!!!!!!(slugs out of whiskey bottle) Damn thats good  
  
Phuzz and Strike fall though roof  
  
Phuzz: owwwww  
  
Tifa: whos phuzz  
  
Phuzz: I am the new version of Crioshinx!!!!!  
  
Strike: I'm not weraing underwear!!!!(loud farting noises ensue)  
  
Phuz: ANyway, leave him to us, you guys go revive Aeris!!!(whipps shotgun out and fires  
  
-CLICK!!!-  
  
Phuzz: Sh$%  
  
Strike: Well, my katana could never fail!!!! Charge!!!!!   
  
hits sephiroth, it cracks in half  
  
Stevan: Here, take these(hands out his extra shoutgun and katana he always carries around) Lets get him!!!!!  
  
Everyone runs off  
  
Cloud: NOOO!!!! My brother from another mother, or was it transvestite!!!!!  
  
End of part 1  
  
Authors notes:  
Still accepting applications  
Story will continue  
Maybe here, or maybe in anothor story.  
There will be no updates for a few weeks 


	10. Insert random title here

Disclaimer: Since I have finally reached chapter 10(has anyone other than me noticed how F^%$#$ short my chapters are???) I am getting really annoyed at writing this down over and over again. The answer, I will use my Jedi mind powers to send you the disclaimer!!!!! ------------------- Okay, I guess my Jedi powers aren't real and that Qui-Gon-Jinn toy wasn't a physic fourtune teller after all. Why do I believe that crazy s&^% anyway. Well, I do not own any of sqauesoft or its characters or any of the authors who I use in this story or anything else that is real that I make fun of in this without knowing that I am. So , I have come up with a great idea to create a show called west park, it will have these trash talking third graders named eric cartman, kyle, stan, and a kid named John Brown who gets killed in every episode!!!!(wait, this isn't original!!!)  
  
Important Authors notes: Thoughout my story, you may have noticed many typos, I would like to point out a few, in chapter two, when Cloud does his suger plug, it says humped out of his chair, it should be hopped. There are other small typos I will fix when I get off my lazy ass to profread, I haven't proofread a single chapter of this damn thing so far, and if you must know who it was that made me write such a pitiful chapter 3, it was the author known as strike. Sorry man, but I don't like your stories very much.  
  
Clouds insanity, chapter 10: (Insert random title here)  
  
Stevan Strike and Phuzz all charge at Sephiroth, they begin fighting  
  
Phuzz: GOOO!!!!!!! Revive her so this story will end dammit!!!!!  
  
Barret: Lets go!!!!(fires shot into fray)  
  
Strike:MY HAND!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Come on Cloud!!!!  
  
Cloud: wait a sec, I'm learning how to read using the phonics game!!!!  
  
Cid runs over, grabs him and they all run off  
  
The fight continues, Sephiroth is slowly wearing down with the combined attack of three people  
  
Sephiroth: This is why they beat me, they split up into parties of three!!!!  
  
Sudden flash of light appears  
  
Random appearence by female author known as Emi-chan(I will refer to her as Emi)  
  
Emi:(turns to sephiroth)HI!!!!!!(runs up and hugs him) I never thought I would find a story where they would actually let me be by your side!!!! Well, I wasn't supposed to here either but I found a story where I could help you and maybe convince you to marry me!!!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Who the hell are you???  
  
Gay little anime thing where person in shock at others stupidity thing occurs..... uhhh yeah  
  
Emi: Well, I'm here to help you(takes out fighting fans, I don't remember their exact name and I am too damn lazy to look it up)  
  
Sephiroth: fans!!!! What the hell good are those going to do do!!!!!!  
  
Emi: throws one at strike  
  
Strike: OWWW my neck.......THUD!!!!!(Strike collapses dead, maybe forever, who knows)  
  
Sephiroth: hhmmmmmm..... interesting(begins stroking beard)  
  
Emi: Since when did you have a beard!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: It's fake(pulls it off) I just don't feel like a real man without it....  
  
Emi: okkkkaaayyyy........  
  
Sephiroth: Kill him!!!!(points at Phuzz)  
  
Emi thorws other fan, Phuzz shoots it  
  
Phuzz: Hah!!!!! it seems we are evenly matched!!!!!!  
  
Emi throws anpther one  
  
Phuzz: Hah!!!! -CLICK!!!!- Oh S#$%!!!!!!(runs off, screams in pain)  
  
Stevan: uhhh, yeah( runs off to Cloud and the others)  
  
Emi: Now my Sephy!!!! we have some time alone!!!!! Oh what to do!!! What to do!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: I wan't to go stop them from reviving aeris....  
  
Emi: That pink wearing bitch......  
  
Sudden Flash of light, Fireball, Turtle, and Cinnamon appear.  
  
Turtle: Come on you two, we have to stop them from reviving Aeris!!!! Otherwise this story will end!!!!!!!  
  
Cinnamon: Thats fine with me, I mean, then I get my reward.   
  
Turtle: You only get it if you do your job right!!!!!(presses random button on wrist, suddenly MOJLNER armor surronds his body and he is holding a sniper rifle)  
  
Fireball: what the F%$#!!!!!  
  
Turtle: I just like Halo, thats all  
  
Cinnamon sees Emi  
  
cinnamon: hey, um you guys go on ahead and stop 'em, I wan to have a little "talk" with that chick over there, h he he he.....  
  
Turtle: No, you're coming with us!!!!!(drags hhim out of room by shirt)  
  
Cinnamon: Can she..... urk..... be a part of my reward..... urk......  
  
Turtle: Fine.....  
  
They rush off into the next room  
  
The next room  
  
Barret: Whats a good song to sing for the revival of Aeris, maybe something by a violent band..... hmmmm.......  
  
Tifa: Well, here we go.....(uses pheniox down on her)  
  
Stevan: NOOOO!!!!!!!! I wanted to use the pheniox on her dman it all to hell!!!!!!  
  
Turtle, Fireball and Cinnamon rush into the room  
  
Cinnamon: NOOOOO!!!!! My reward!!!!!!!  
  
Fireball:(holding tequilla) NOOOO!!!!! A little spanish flea just outdrank me!!!!!!  
  
Turtle: Wait!!!!!! I still have an idea!!!!!  
  
Suddenly, Turtle is wearing a uniform similar to Gandalfs in The Two Towers(damn that movie kicked ass!!!!)  
  
Turtle: I will say some random words to make my spell sound cool!!!!!!! OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whos lives in a pinnaple under the sea!!!!!! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPNATS!!!!! wrinkled and yellow and porous is he!!!!! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!!!! I don't remeber the rest of the song!!!! SO LETS F%$# this!!!!!  
  
casts spell  
  
Turtle: Hah!!!! Now I will send all of you to differnt places in the world of differnt video games and maybve even a few of you will go to the real world!!!!! MWA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! Now this will take a while for all of you to sort out!!!!!! Maybe a few chapters!!!!!   
  
Cloud: Does this mean I can become a real boy!!!!!????? YAYY!!!!!!!!!  
  
Poof!!!! Everyone in the room except Turtle, Cinnamon and Fireball have dissapeared.  
  
Turtle: GOOO!!!!!!  
  
Fireball: To do what???  
  
Turtle: Prevent them from making back together, I must keep this story going until I am an old guy and my jokes are even funny anymore, I will also then have uncontrolable flatulence!!!!  
  
Loud Farting noises ensue  
  
Turtle: That was intentional.......  
  
Turtle zaps Fireball and Cinnamon off to somewhere  
  
Back outside..... a few minutes before....  
  
Emi: That was great Sephy!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: I didn't do anything.  
  
Emi: You blinked, and it made you look so damn cute!!!  
  
Strike and Phuzz run back into the scene.  
  
Emi: I thought you guys were dead...  
  
Strike: NOOO!!!! Thats becasue we have the new ultimate weapon, the GAMESHARK!!!!! All rights reserved....  
  
Phuzz: yes, it is quite simple, you just enter some cheats, like you always come back to life, and then plug it in its socket.  
  
Sephiroth: Where would this socket be....????  
  
Emi: shudder.....  
  
Sudden flash of light.... Sephiroth is gone.....  
  
Phuzz: Oh S#$%, are you thinking what I'm thinking  
  
Strike: Probably not(flips page of comic book he's reading) he he he, that Johnny, always getting himself killed, its just so damn funny!!!!(this is a joke only funny to me, and will cause me to get the shit beaten out of me soon)  
  
Phuzz: We gotta go find all the characters to end this damn story!!!!  
  
Strike: Lets go!!!!  
  
They run off into distence, unaware of the cliff they run off of.  
  
Emi: Oh my god!!!! Is this what happened to Sephy!!!! I gotta go find him!!!!(she runs off)  
  
Back at the Turtle layer  
  
Vivi: Ha, since he left, I have converted all those brainless servants to come under my control!!!! Now I control this story and every aspect of Turtles life!!!! I am invincible!!!!! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!  
  
Servants: (begin laughing with him)  
  
Authors notes: That ending was weird eh, obviously, I just opened up room for a bunch of new chapters and stuff. So, I will still accept a few more applications, stuff like that, and don't expect a udate for about a week and a half okay.  
  
~IF EVERYONE WERE LIKE ME, THE WORLD WOULD BE ON THE BRINK OF DESTRUCTION. 


	11. WE need Godzilla!

Disclaimer: Well, lets see here, where the hell to begin.... I don't own anything which is actually real that I use in this story. Unless.... the matrix is real and the world is just a dream or something like that so nothing is real and what I'm writing is pointless!!!!! Nah, well, anyway, I should stop writing these becasue I've written them so many times now I just want to kill myself.  
  
Cids Turtle: It's time for everybodys favorite parts of a story!!!! REVIEW!!!!  
  
Cids Turtle: Now, to start the review, I will take this moogle, and shove him into this room(points to room) from here the Moogle will press the button on this tape recorder, this was built by me, so by pressing play, either the tape will play, or the tape recorder will explode with the force of a nuke.  
  
25 differnt blast doors seal Turtle from the room in which the moogle is in  
  
Turtle:(muffled) Okay!!!!  
  
Moogle: uhhhh..... I don't wanna press the button.....  
  
Turtle:(muffled) Press it dammit!!!!(25 various weapons in the room all aim at him and sit ready to fire)  
  
Moogle: I dunno, those guns look pretty fake to me....  
  
BAM!!!  
  
Moogle: AHHH!!! My friggin' arm!!!!  
  
Turtle: Press it!!!!!  
  
Moggle: Fine(presses it)  
  
Turtles Voice: If this is actually being heard, then I finally built something right!!! Yes!!!(singing) I am the campion my friend!!! DUH DUH DUH!!!(talking) oh sorry, anyway, in review of the story so far, you're probably annoyed with what I just did above but I was really bored and thought that up, no matter how much you ask, I won't remove it. ANyway, with the story, I have made Cloud go insane becasue he misses aeris, so everybody sets out to revive her. They discover they just had to use a pheniox down on here so they set out. In the process, Vincint becomes a squirral(I don't give a S%^& that its spelled wrong) and tries to take over Nibbleham, Sephiroth saves the town with his newfound powers as a cook. They later get on another short distence plane and head for the forgotten capital. There, a minor war breaks out between authors trying to stop the story and authors trying to keep the story going on for as long as possible. Then, I, Cids Turtle, have seperated all the fightes and characters to survive in the real world and find their way back together. Now on with the story!!!!  
  
In the middle of some random town...... Barret is seen just standing there  
  
Barret: Where, where am I???  
  
Drunk: You are standing outside what will soon be a mass of worshippers of a certain group(-hic-)  
  
Barret: Whats that supposed to mean??? Like a religion or somethin  
  
Drunk: No, its suppsoed to mean a ban-  
  
Thousands of people cahrge over him screaming and cheering wanting to get in to the dome Barret is standing outside of  
  
Barret: Hey, are you okay drunk man!!!!  
  
drunk: My only regret is the fact that I am a drunk!!!! here.... take my ticket...... ugh.....  
  
Barret: I will go listen to what advice these people have to say to me(takes ticket, if you haven't guessed yet, this is a bands concert hes got a ticket for)  
  
walks in.....  
later.....  
  
Men on stage: Are you ready!!!!  
  
Barret: YEAH!!!!! GIVE ME SOME DAMN ADVICE!!!!  
  
man in mosh pit shoves him  
  
Barret: What the f&^% do ya think you're doing!!!!(shoots his head off, no one notices)  
  
Auhtors note: I don't know what band wrote this song, I just heard it on the radio when going though the various stations  
  
Band begins playing music.....  
  
Band:(singing) Pull the tapeworm out of your ass!!! Hey!!!! Pull the tapeworm out of your ass!!! Hey!!!! Pull the tapeworm out of your ass!!! Hey!!!!  
  
Barret: Oh my god!!!! is what they say true!!!!  
  
Rushes off to bathroom  
  
one hour later......  
  
Barret: Damn, that was a pretty long tapewrom I pull out, about 100 feet long in fact, and I just threw it down on the ground.(looks down) huh? Wonder where it went??? Oh well.  
  
Walks off in search of a bar.....  
  
In Toyko  
  
The giant tapeworm has started to destroy the city....  
  
Man:(in horrible dubbing, mmmm.... kung fu movies) AHHHHH!!!!!! We need godzilla!!!!!! Save us godzilla!!!!  
  
In the meantime, somewhere near wheer Barret is.....  
  
Tifa: huh, wonder where I am??? Maybe I should get some money by getting a job first, then I can look for the others.(looks around) hey, that place looks like a bar, maybe I can get a job there(looks at sign) hmmm, hooters eh.... sounds nice enough(don't think of me as a sicko people, I just thought I maight be able to get something funny) out of putting her in this situation)  
  
Tifa Walks in....  
  
Tifa: Hi, I'd like to get a job here  
  
Man:(takes good look at her) yes, I think you would make a great waitress here.  
  
Tifa: No, I'm here for a bartending job.  
  
Man: I'm sorry, you would make such a great waitress though.  
  
Tifa: I'm going to kill you unless you give me a job as a bartender  
  
Man: No, sorry, we have a great one already(points over to bar)  
  
Reno dressed up as girl standing there mixing drink  
  
Reno:(in girly voice) Its always happy hour at my bar!!!!(wink)  
  
Tifa: oh god....  
  
On tv set: And it seems that a giant 100 foot tapeworm is attacking Tokyo and there is no sign of Godzilla on the scene, the miliatry hasn't been able to do anything againmst the beast so far.  
  
Tifa: Oh my god, Somebody needs to kill the thing!!!!  
  
runs out of bar....  
  
In the meantime, at a NRA national yearly meeting....  
  
President Bush:(hope I don't get sued) I sure am glad to see our breast and brighest people here today.  
  
Everybody breaks out laughing  
  
Bush: What, I said I am glad to have our breast and brighest here today.  
  
Everybody continues to laugh.  
  
Bush:(to self) note to self, nuke them later.....  
  
five minutes later  
  
Bush: And thats why I think the NRA is just misunderstand. stood.  
  
Vincint suddenly appears on stage  
  
Bush: Who are you people. Person. Dam!!! DAMN!!!!(for those of you who like president bush, I am sorry to have made fun of him)  
  
Vincint: Could you tell me where I am???  
  
Person: You mean you don't know!!!  
  
Vincint: no....  
  
Person: Well then, I'm not telling!!!!  
  
Vincint:(takes out gun and aims at his head) Tell me dammit!!!!!  
  
Everybody crowds around his gun  
  
Person: Wow, what craftsmanship, Its amazing(touches gun)  
  
Person 2: Where did you buy this? Did you make it?? Whats its range???  
  
Person 3: I think he should be the new president tof the NRA!!!!  
  
everybody agrees in unison(did I spell it right)  
  
Vincint: I don't have time to get the world to use guns!!!!!(limit break runs out again)  
  
Man: Squirral, kill it!!!!  
  
Vincint:(why must these things always happen to me!!!!)  
  
vincint runs off with a shower of bullets landing all around him.  
  
in the meantime, on a plane heading for tokyo.....  
  
Cid pops up in a empty seat  
  
Cid: ahh man, after alll that, I really nead a smoke(lights cigerette)  
  
Flight attendent: Sir, I'm going to tell you to put that out...  
  
Cid: ANd why the F^%$ should I listen to you!!!!  
  
Pilot: ummm, no need to worry folks, someone has lit a cigerette in the plane and this has caused all the engines to fall off the plane, we will soon crash at a very bad angle and we will all die, but there is no need to worry, I repeat, no need...  
  
Person: OH my God!!!! We're all gonna die!!!!  
  
Strike just so happens to be on the plane....  
  
Strike: My gameshark will save me!!!!!! uh oh, this is the real world. Run away!!!(grabs parachute, opens hatch, and jumps)  
  
Kid: Hey, that was my back pack!!!!  
  
Strike: ohhhh shiiiii......(fades)   
  
Cid: I'm outa here!!!!(grabs actual parachute and jumps)  
  
Cid: I love this part!!!!!(fades)  
  
Who haven't I checked up on yet, lets see..... Lets check up on Yuffie  
  
At the local nut house(look up in phone book to find out where the closest one to you is today!!!)  
  
Man: And what do you think this looks like???(holds up picture of dog)  
  
Nut 1: Sean Connery!!!!!  
  
Nut 2: Are you taking a poop doggy, are ya, are ya???  
  
Nut 3: The Mona Lisa of tommorrow  
  
Man: okay..... lets try this one(holds up Picture of of a decapitated head)  
  
Nut 1: Sean Connery!!!!  
  
Nut 2: Are you taking a poop you little head, are ya, are ya????  
  
Nut 3: The Monet of tommorrow  
  
Man:(muttering) These people never learn.....(talking) how 'bout this???(holds up Picture of a turtle  
  
Nut 1: Sean Connery's baby phots!!!!  
  
Nut 2: Are you gonna get turned into poo you little turtle, are you, are you????  
  
Nut 3: OH MY GOD!!!! Picasso's long lost ear!!!!  
  
Yuffie appears in doorway  
  
Man: Are you new here???  
  
Yuffie: What kind of a place is this???  
  
Man: This is a happy place  
  
Yuffie: OHMYGODINSNAEPLACE!!!!!IDON'TBELONGHEREPLEAELETMEOUT!!  
  
Man: Could you repeat that slower..  
  
Yuffie: Oh my god insane place I don't belong here please let me out.  
  
Man: You seem quite hyper...  
  
Yuffie: I gotta get outta here and go save the world!!!!  
  
Man: Please sedate her and take her to a room, straight Jackets might be a good idea.  
  
Yuffie: WHAT!!!! NOOOOOOOOOoooooooo.........(gets dragged out)  
  
In the meantime, at the house of Phuzz.....  
  
Phuzz: You know what, I am so angry at what Turtles been doing to me!!! I mean, he keeps getting me killed and I just get tired of all this bullsh*&!!!!(throws dart at picture of turtle, hits in balls) bullseye.... just where I'm gonna shoot ya someday. ANYway... This story sucks so I'm just gonna write my own.(sits down at computer) I change my story name at least twice a day!!!!  
  
Authors note: ummm..... yeah, if I had written what I wanted to write in that section, I would be dead right now.  
  
In the meantime, wherever Stevan is.....  
  
Stevan: well, I wonder if Aeris got revived.... OH NO!!!! What if shes losyt and alone and needing company!!!! Perfect oppertunity.  
  
Laughs mischiviously(spelled wrong, he he, I hate profreading)  
  
Stevan: Well, where am I, it looks kinda like the future, maybe 2015 or something like that...  
  
Suddenly, 200 foot tall monster lurches out of the ocean and begins destroying town hes in  
  
Over random announing thing: ANGEL ATTACK!!!! ANGEL ATTACK!!!! EVERYBODY REPORT TO THE NEAREST SHELTER IMMEDIATALLY!!!!  
  
Stevan: ohhh sh^%.  
  
200 feet below him....  
  
?????: EVA-01 is ready for lanch  
  
?????2: Copy that shinji, Launch whenever  
  
Shinji: HERE I GO!!!!(lauches)  
  
Stevan: Well, what no-  
  
Elevator comes up right were hes standing, gets flung into sky  
  
Stevan: WHY MEEEEEeeeeeee......(fade out)  
  
In the meantime, somewhere in some country.....  
  
Emi: Sephy!!!! Sephy!!!! Where are you Sephy!!!!  
  
Looks in Dumpster  
  
Emi: Sephy!!!!(dives in)  
  
three minutes later....  
  
Emi: Well, he wasn' in there, but I found this unopened pack of mini doughneuts. OH YEAH!!!  
  
walks into liqiour store for no reason at all....  
  
Emi looks at Tv set in place..  
  
Man: There is a 100 foot tapewrom attacking Tokyo!!!! WE need help!!! HELP!!!!  
  
EmI: Sephy could be there!!!!(runs out of store)  
  
at the counter to the very same store Cinnamon and Fireball ponder their next move....  
  
Cashier: Are you guys gonna buy something or not???  
  
Cinnamon: Yeah, I'll take that rack(points to a certain rack of magizines)  
  
Fireball: WOW!!!! They sell not alcohlic beer!!!! Now I can rig my drinking contests!!!!  
  
Man: I need to see some I.D so you guys can buy that rack of adult magizines and and beer  
  
Cinnamon: lets see here, my I.D is right here...... RUN!!!!!  
  
They both run out of the store....  
  
In tokyo, where Cloud just so happens to be....(in a american resturant)  
  
Cloud: I can eat hamburgers with chopsticks!!!!!(skillfully does so)  
  
Man:(in bad dubb) Sir, we need to run, Godzilla has finally showed up but is headed this way.  
  
BOOM!!!!!  
  
Godzillas foot crushes man, misses cloud, he jumps onto him and climbs onto back..  
  
Cloud: You make a really good horsey!!!! YAY!!!!!  
  
In the meantime, in a yellow submarine....  
  
Men: We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine.  
  
Man: Come on you, join in!!!!  
  
Sephiroth:(wimpering, cowering in corner) Noo, please stop... It's making those voices come back again, please, no, no, No, NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Back at the Turtle Layer...  
  
Turtle: Now, all I have to do is walk back in and waych the chapters continue to appear!!!  
  
Man: Halt!!!! Drop your weapon!!!! You will die in five seconds unless you drop it!!!  
  
Turtle: Don't you remeber me!!!  
  
Man: No  
  
Vivi:(walks onto a balcony)Ha!!!! You fool!!!! I have brainwashed them and I now control every aspect of your life!!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!  
  
Turtle: This isn't over, I will come back and defeat you, you just wait!!!!  
  
Vivi: hmmph...(holds up hand)  
  
Turtle:NOOOO!!!!!(holds hands up to head and does weird clouds remembering thing)  
  
Turtle:(stands up, to be heard in girly voice) I love to singa, I love to danca I like to groove withthe monn and the sunna, I like skies of blue and a tea for two......  
  
To be continued....  
  
Authors note: umm... yeah.... No new chapter soon unless I get some reviews, It motivates me. Anyway, I will accept one more application and thats it. So I hope you enjoyed and If anyone is angry at me, I am sorry for howver I offended you. 


	12. Taco Bello?

Disclaimer: The year is not after Colony 195, I repeat, the year is not after colony 195. oh yeah, I also have absolutly nothin to do with anything except the computer I am typing on and all of my worldly possessions. These include an xbox, a tv and..... Thats about it.  
  
uhhh.... authors note which no one reads. I have not worked on this story for a long time due to tons of school work and the wonderful world of starcraft Battle.net. So I have little idea of where I left the characters and I'm too damn lazy to go back and read the last chapter.  
  
Authors Note 2: This is probably not the best I could put out with the huge amount of time between updates.  
At an undisclosed location where turtle is hiding otherwise vivi will kill him(authors note, the author believes that Taco Bells are great hiding places and that all of them have bomb shelters. This makes the authors dream job the drive though guy at Taco Bell)  
  
anyway....  
  
At a Taco Bell.. I MEAN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION!!!!!!  
  
Turtle: How on earth can I beat Vivi and take my base back.... DAMN!!!!(pounds fist against table, when brought up, a thin sheet of plastic is still to his hand) hmmm.... so thats how they keep the tables so clean.  
  
On Microphone: Number 69!!! Your order is ready!!!! Number 69!!!!  
  
A fat person who is 15 years old walks up and takes the tray  
?????: Lets see here, lard burrito supreme with 5 chunky s@#$ tacos and a 64 oz. bottle of cream to drink!!!!(walks off to seat)  
  
Turtle: F^%$in loser... WAIT!!!!(light bulb appears) I can make all the other characters join up with me to stop VIVI!!!! I'll lie to them saying that I'll end the story!!!!  
  
Phuzz:(I'm gonna get killed for putting him here)(somehow talking from hundreds of miles away) thats stupid you fag  
  
Turtle: SHUT UP U RAPIST!!!!!!!(runs out of Taco bell crying)  
  
In a mental institution...  
  
Yuffie is seen in a straight jacket  
  
Yuffie: Can't sleep.... Clowns will eat me....  
  
Director of place is seen viewing this though surveilence  
  
Man: Are you sure we should have shown them killer clowns from outer space as our saturday night movie....  
  
Director: The violence obsesive liked it(points to his screen)  
  
Violence obsessive:(stabbing clown dolls with a knife) DIE YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!! BLEED!!!!! YOU CAN'T KILL ME!!!!!!!  
  
man: okay....  
  
man looks back at Yuffies screen  
  
man: WHAT!!!!! SHES GONE!!!!!(points to screen)  
  
outside....  
  
(man in mask): Are you all right?  
  
Yuffie:(somehow back in normal clothes and fully armed) yeah, but how did you move that fast?  
  
(main in mask):Thats not the point  
  
Yuffie: but how...  
  
(man in mask): fine... if you must know(points to shoes) NEW MICHAL JORDAN AIR JORDAN FINAL EDITION!!!!! IT MAKES ME SUPER FAST AND JUST LIKE MIKE!!!! the only side effect is that I'm bald under this Mask.  
  
Yuffie: What now?  
  
(man in mask): We GO TO TOKYO!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: that sign says welcome to tokyo(points to city limits sign)  
  
(man in mask): oh... Well, GODZILLA NEEDS OUR HELP!!!! a 100 foot tapeworm is attacking tykyo and I think that Godzilla can't stop it!!!  
  
Yuffie: WHAT are they gonna name this movie??  
  
(man in mask): Godzilla beomes incredibly thin thanks to parasites vs. THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON!!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: why would they name it that?  
  
(man in mask): don't ask me...  
  
Yuffie: LETS GO!!!(runs off)  
  
(man in mask): oh man, I need to rethink my battle strategy, TO SOMEPLACE!!(runs off)  
  
On Godzillas head(no, not that one you pervert!!)  
  
Cloud is dressed up in a taco bell employee uniform  
  
Cloud: I opened a Taco Bell up here!!! FREE TACOS FOR THOSE WHO WEIGH LESS THAN 400 POUNDS!!  
  
A tv reporter climbs down a ladder from a helicopter and onto godzillas head  
  
Reporter runs over to cloud  
  
Cloud: Welcome to Taco Bell, what can I get you??  
  
Reporter: A number 9, crunchy and a pepsi to go with that. but sir.... can I get an interview with you?  
  
Cloud: ummm... I 'm sorry, all we have right now is a line tapping into godzillas bladder so all we serve is monster pee.  
  
Reporter: The interview sir?  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah, sure why not  
  
Reporter: Now what drove you to opening a Taco Bell here?  
  
Cloud: Well, I've always wanted to open my own store Bob  
  
Reporter: Its Steve  
  
Cloud: As I was saying Jim  
  
Reporter: Did you hear me, I said my name was Steve  
  
Cloud: Please stop interupting me Hank  
  
Reporter: I give up....  
  
Cloud: Anyway, I could never get enough money to open my own location so I finally found this SWEET peice of land. Taco Bell even let me change the name of this one to Taco Bello when I told them that I wanted to change the cheese to blood and the meat to lamb intestines. So they let me change the name of my store to Taco Bello. Isnt that cool!!!!  
  
Steve: uhhh.... and what makes you think people will climb up here and eat that type of Taco??  
  
Cloud: Becaue I would!!  
  
Steve: That makes no sense  
  
Cloud suddenly becomes very alert and starts sniffing around  
  
Cloud: He's about to move, grab onto something!!!  
  
Godzilla swings his head around and does his fire breath thingy on the helicopter the reporter flew in on  
  
Cloud: GREAT!!! I've been looknig for new employees!!! Theres plenty of food and drink too!!!  
  
Reporter: oh god no....  
  
Cloud: Let me go get your uniform!!!  
  
In some random department store  
  
Fireball: Why do we have to buy new clothes for going to fight Godzilla???  
  
Cinnamon: Cuz then we'll look like superheros!! DUH!!!  
  
Fireball: fine....(takes zebra colored spandex and walks into the dressing room)  
  
Fireball: uhh... How do you put this on???  
  
Cinnamon: well, let me see....  
  
Cinnamon walks into the same dressing thingy  
  
Cinnamon: Well, this is how yo- Hey.... you don't look so bad......  
  
Fireball: wha- Stay away from me  
  
Cinnamon: I'll be gentle, dont worry  
  
Fireball: AHHH!!! SOMEBODY!!! HELP!!!! RAPE!!!!  
  
Authors note: I only put this in here becasue due to a review, I think cinnamon chaos would be okay with this scene, if not, please flame  
  
Cinnamon: Do you have any beer?? This would make it soooo much easier for you  
  
Screen fades to black with happy music playing. Fireballs Screams for help can be heard in backround  
  
In some ally in Tokyo  
  
Emi: SEPHY!!!! SEPHY!!! SEPHY!!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!  
  
sephiroth convienently is in this very ally  
  
EMi: Sephy!!! There you are!!!  
  
Sepiroth's clothes are ripped and tattered and he looks paranoid  
  
Sephiroth: No, I won't let you take me back to them!!!  
  
Emi: Take you back to who Sephy???  
  
Sephiroth: I know you're working with them!!!  
  
Emi: Working with who???  
  
Sephiroth: The yellow submarine men....  
  
Turtle walks on randomly  
  
Turtle: Whats happening my main bad guy man!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Stay away from me you submarine worker  
  
Turtle: right.....  
  
Emi: SEPHYS GONE INSANE!!! NO!!!!!!  
  
Turtle: Well, I'll help you get him back to normal if you help me with this(explains situation to her)  
  
Emi: You promise?  
  
Turtle: yep. You coming Sephiroth???  
  
Sephiroth:(now has a shotgun pointed at Turtles face) Just keep walking punk....  
  
At a animal shelter Red XIII is in a cat cage  
  
Red: Meow???  
  
At a airport  
  
Tifa: Finally, I have ebough money to go to tokyo  
  
Tifa walks up to the ticket counter  
  
Tifa: One ticket to Tokyo please  
  
counter person: This isn't enough mam  
  
Tifa: WHAT!!!  
  
Counter Person: We can still get you on a flight though, you will have to work as a flight attendent using these clothes(holds up clothes made for people her height, yet not as big boobed)  
  
Tifa: Whats a flight attendent???  
  
Counter person: I'll show you, this way  
  
Somewhere below a plane in the pacific(if you don't remember, strike and cid are falling from a plane)  
  
Strike: This worked for peach!! So it should work for me!!!(takes out umbrella and uses it as a parachute) Whew, it seems to be working  
  
SNAP!!!!  
  
Strike: OH SHIT!!!!!!!  
  
Cid:(grabbs Strike and pulls his chute) you should just be lucky I need a boat to get to shore  
  
Strike: What do you mean???  
  
Cid: You're of great size, I can use you as a boat  
  
Strike: WHAT!!!  
  
Cid: Don't worry, you may not die  
  
Srike: IM OUTTA HERE!!!(drops)  
  
Cid: Oh, look, I had a inflatble raft in my pocket all along.  
  
Barret is at a retruant in tokyo  
  
Barret: Man, since I pulled out that tapeworm, I've been putting on all this weight (imagine a 650 pound barret) Oh man..... I gotta go get that worm back in me and out of godzilla  
  
Barret attempts to run out the store but it looks more like a waddle  
  
Stevan is sitting at a bus stop crying  
  
Stevan: Why Turtle, why!!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO SAVE AERIS!!!  
  
Turtle walks on again  
  
turtle: To prolong the story, duh.  
  
Stevan: Can you still control the story and make her come back???  
  
Turtle: Nope, this is the real world now, but if I can get control of the video game part of this story again, I can bring her back there. I need some help though....  
  
Stevan: ILL DO IT!!!  
  
Turtle:(muttering) pathetic fools... I'll just sacrifice you all  
  
Stevan: Huh?? Did you say something  
  
Turtlle: Oh, I just said afterwards, I'll take you all out for Ice cream and beer. Yeah, thats it... Beer.....  
  
At a movie theater  
  
Vincint: One for X2 please  
  
ticket dude: Ha, and WHAT mutant are you drressed up as  
  
Vincint: myself  
  
Ticket dude breaks out laughing  
  
Vincint does limit break and smahes the glass  
  
ticket dude: HOLY S%$#!!!! YOU ARE A FREAK!!!  
  
Vincint holds out hand for ticket  
  
Ticket Dude: Here you are sir(hands him ticket)  
  
Vincint walks into theater, limit break runs out and he ruhses in a a squirral  
  
Ticket Dude: Luckily I always carry my anti-squirral spray...  
  
authors final note: I just noticed that I haven't updated in about 4 months, soryy about that. This probably wasn't the best I could do in that time, but I just typed out most of this in 45 minutes so, If you hate it, fine, if you like it, GREAT!!  
  
Next time.... Will Vincint's moviegoing experience be thwarted by the the ticket dude. Will Godzilla finally be rid of the tapeworm??? Heres a little preview  
  
Tiket dude sprays Vincint with anti-squirral spray  
  
Vincint inhales it  
  
Vincint: mmmm.... Inhalents....(eyes dialate) woah... I'm high off this s^%$  
  
Man: What the.... 


	13. The beginning of the end of the opening ...

Disclaimer: I do not own anyt-  
  
Note: This story has just been bought by an airline company, we will tell you why in just a moment. We are sorry to have kept you waiting but please bear with us, the explanation will begin momentarily. Hello again, sorry to have kept you waiting but we are beginnig to experience some minor technical difficulties with our word processor, just let us sort things out and the explanation will begin once we have this problem sorted out. Once again, please bear with us the problem has become more serious and we need some time to sort out the problem. JESUS!! what the F%$# si gnorw htiw siht yzarc gniht.  
  
THIS EXPLANATION HAS BEEN CANCELED  
  
Man: Just give him the story back.  
  
At the Tokyo airport...  
  
Tifa: That sure was an odd job, I had to serve people food and not complain while they groped me. I should complain.  
  
Tifa walks over to the complaints counter.  
  
Tifa: Hi, I'd like to register a complaint  
  
Man: Okay, first you need to fill out form 21b and take it to room 75 on the 5th floor of wing Q and you must take it there spinning in circles the entire time or your complaint will be rejected. Then fill out form 65z while flight attendents dance around you while shoving peanuts up your nose. Then take this to room 5e part III and Scream "THE CHEESE IS OLD AND MOLDY AND I CAN't FIND THE BATHROOM!" or they won't let you in. The-  
  
Tifa: Never Mind  
  
Tifa leaves the airport, looks up and sees godzilla in the distence  
  
Tifa: There he is, Time to kick some ass(kricks knuckles and runs off)  
  
Barret is seen waddling twords godzilla  
  
Barret: Man, I'll never get there at this rate... HEY TAXI!!!  
  
Taxi after Taxi dives past him because they are all trying to run from Godzilla  
  
Barret: GOD DAMN IT!! PICK ME UP!!!  
  
Barret precedes to fire and one of the cars explode, a star appears at the top of the screen  
  
Barret: What the hell....  
  
A cop Car pulls up  
  
Cop 1: Drop YOUR GUN ARM!! err... yeah...  
  
Barret: OH HELL NO!!! I AIN'T GOING TO THE SLAMMER!!!(precedes to blow that cop car up)  
  
Another Star appears on the screen  
  
Barret: I don't get it...  
  
Barret: AH DAMMIT!!! ILL JUST STEAL A CAR!!(goes and steals a taxi)  
  
another Star appears  
  
Barret: God damn, I just don't get it....  
  
Barret drives off in the direction of Godzilla   
  
In the Parking Lot of some random mall(look outside if you live near one! YOU MAY SEE SOEMTHING ODD!!!)  
  
Fireball is seen running as fast as he can away from the mall and for the street  
  
Fireball: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU BISEXUAL FREAK!!!!  
  
Cinnamon:(running after Fireball) Come on!!! You must've at least liked it a little!!! (speeds up)  
  
Fireball: I need to make it to *pant* the street *pant* (speeds up)  
  
The cars are currently stopped as there is a red light  
  
Fireball reaches the street and goes "Dukes of Hazard" and slides across the front of all of the cars  
  
Fireball: *phew* that was close, as soon as I reached the other side the light turned green.  
  
Fireball runs off and catches a Taxi  
  
Taxi guy: Where to chief??  
  
Fireball: An international Airport!! Quickly, IM IN A HURRY!!!  
  
Taxi guy: Righto(drives in the opposite direction of the airport)  
  
Cinnamon: NO!!! I need to follow him in a taxi of my own!!!  
  
HE sees a taxi parked on the other side of the road  
  
Cinnamon: Here I go!!  
  
He runs out into the street and looks like hes gonna make it, then he gets hit by a semi and flies 40 feet  
  
Inside the Semi  
  
Red XIII: grrr.... I still can't figure out which one is brake and which one is gas...  
  
The Semi speeds up and runs Cinnamon over again.  
  
Cinnamon: If I don't make it.... bury me.... at..........(falls unconcious(?))  
  
An ambulence arrives, puts him in the back and drives off  
  
Doctor 1: Oh man, his injuries are bad, what can we do??(to be said in a cheesy acting voice)   
  
Doctor 2: The only place he can get treatment that may save his life is Tokyo!!!  
  
Doctor 1: But isn't Godzilla Attacking???  
  
Doctor 2: Yes, but hes in a weakened state due to the tapeworm thats inside of him  
  
Doctor 1: OKAY!!! Driver, activate the light speed thursters for exactly .05 seconds!!!  
  
Driver: Rodger  
  
The ambulence for some reason(wire team) floats into the sky and then dissapears as it activates its light speeds thursters leaving a trail of light(cheap special effect)  
  
The ambulence reappears in Tokyo  
  
Doctor 2: Get him in the hospital(?) NOW!!!!  
  
In some dark ally in Tokyo  
  
Yuffie: excuse me shady man guarding some random door?? Do you know where I can buy some Materia??  
  
SMGSRD:(Shady man guarding some random door) Materia, what the hell is that??  
  
Yuffie: It looks like this(takes out a materia and shows it to him)  
  
SMGSRD: Wow... That looks expensive, I know a place, its 3 allies down, take this note, slip it under the door, and make sure not to read it  
  
Yuffie:(reading the note) GOT IT  
  
SMGSRD: You read the note missie, I'm afraid I can't let you live  
  
Yuffie: What does the letter mean by "The Don"??  
  
SMGSRD: That's none of your buissness(points gun at her face and fires)  
  
Matrix like scene occurs Yuffie moves out of the way of the bullet in slow mo and precedes to do a spin kick to SMGSRD's neck  
  
SMGSRD: ugh... (falls down dead)  
  
Yuffie: Oh well, I guess I'll have to use my brute power to stop Godzilla!!!(runs off)  
  
In the Ocean  
  
Cid: Row row row this raft until I fall down dead, maybe if I die in here my corpse will be intact!!  
  
Cid paddles for hours and hours  
  
Cid: hhmm... there seems to be some large floating thing on the surface....  
  
Cid paddles over to it  
  
Strike: My lard seems to be keeping me afloat so far...  
  
Cid: ITS YOU!!! I thought you died!!  
  
Strike: I can't die as long as I have this Gameshark shioved up my... er... well... you know...  
  
Cid: thats just gross, anyway, you can see land in that direction, if you help me, we can there faster  
  
Strike: Ok, just lemme check one thing first(sticks a hand udnerwater) OH MY GOD!!! Its gone, I can actually die now!!! HElp me!!!(he sinks below the surface for good)  
  
While underwtaer, Strike finds some crabs, makes them join claws and dance around, he is happy and acting like a 4 year old when he falls unconcious....  
  
Cid: Stupid fatass, his self-confidence booster was having a disk up his ass, disgusting...  
  
(cid paddles to shore where he gets ready to fight Godzilla)  
  
On a residentail Street in some town in the USA  
  
Turtle is seen driving a white van with a giant megaphone on top of it. Inside the Vechile Stevan and Emi are sitting there waiting to get ready to fight Godzilla.  
  
Turtle:(over megaphone) here comes the Happy van, come to pick up all the Final Fantasy Charcters, and if I find them Authors too!!(repeats endlessly)  
  
Stevan: So what is it, are you gonna drive all over the world till you find them??  
  
Emi: If you are, I'm not paying for Gas  
  
Turtle: Don't worry, I have a tracking device for where all of them are, everyone has reached Tokyo at this point except for Phuzz, Vincint and Red  
  
Emi: I thought Phuzz wanted nothing to do with this story?  
  
Turtle: Yeah, but I think I can talk him into helping us with the extermination of Godzilla  
  
The Van stops outside a house  
  
Stevan: WHy are you stopping here??  
  
Turtle: This is where Phuzz lives  
  
The music plays for about 10 minutes, then the door opens and phuzz walks out carrying a bag of something  
  
Phuzz: THERES NO WAY IN HELL I'M GOING WITH YOU TURTLE!!!  
  
Phuzz takes a brick out of the bag and throws it at the car, it goes through the window and nearly hits Turtle  
  
Phuzz: DIE YOU ASSH&^%!!!(throws another brick, this one makes a dent in the car, he gets another one ready)  
  
Emi: DRIVE!! DRIVE!!! DRIVE!!  
  
Turtle Drives off as fast as he can  
  
Phuzz: *phew* those were all the real bricks I had, the rest were foam  
  
Phuzz walks into his house and closes the door, on the door there is the forever great clock of "no drinking until after 5"  
  
At the movie theater  
  
Note: At the time vincint is in his squirral form  
  
Vincint: *I should be more or less safe in this theatre*  
  
Ticket Dude:(holding up anti-squirral spray) ha, that mutant thinks he can get away from me! This time I'll prove it real. I may have failed in proving Vulcans were real, I may have failed making a light saber, I may have sent my dog back in time never to return, my left big toe may be invisible, BUT I WILL PROVE MUTANTS EXIST!!!  
  
Ticket Dude:(over announcement thingy) WE are sorry, but we must ask all people to vacate the theatre at once, we have good reason to believe there is a squirral... which may be rabid inside the theatre  
  
Everybody runs out of the theatre screaming.  
  
ticket dude: Time to catch me some mutant(sprays the anti-squirral spray all over the theatre)  
  
Vincint:(inhales the stuff) *wooooahhhh.... thats some good stuff*(eyes dialate)  
  
Ticket Dude: I FOUND YOU!!! wait... why are your eys dialated??  
  
Vincint: *oh man, it seems that the giant Oreo is saying something*  
  
Ticket dude: AND NOW I CATCH YOU!!!  
  
Vincint:(looks to his left):*A GiANT TWINKE IS RUNNING AWAY!!! I MUST CATCH IT!!!*(runs out of the theatre)  
  
Ticket Dude: NO!!!!!  
  
Vincint runs out of the threatre, and conviently, at the same exact moment, Turtles white van pulls up.  
  
Turtle: GET IN THE VAN VINCINT!!!  
  
Vincint: *The oscer myer weiner truck is talking to me?? Better get in...*  
  
Vincint gets in the van and they drive off....  
  
On a street just a few blocks away  
  
Somehow Red XIII is running away from a group of of people trying to tranquilze him  
  
Turtles car is already driving nearby  
  
Stevan: THERES RED!!!  
  
Turtle: If I swerve the car around the corner at the right angle with the perfect timing and the side doors open, we can save him!!  
  
Emi: And that means??  
  
Turtle: I can save Red XIII from being Tranquilized and it would look really cool!!!  
  
Emi: oh  
  
Scene occurs in slow mo where as Red XIII nears the street the doors of the van open and Stevan and Emi are waving Red XIII to jump in while Vincint points a sahking hand at red XIII, glaring evilly. As red XIII reaches the street, the camera cangles spins around from behind Red so that its in fromt of the car. Red XIII jumps in, the doors close, and they drive off.  
  
After many hours of travel and bathroom breaks, everyone has gathered in front of Godzilla to take him and the tapeworm inside of him down. All except for Cloud, who is still on top of Godzilla operating his Taco Bello.  
  
Tifa: Cloud!!! get down from there!!! We need to kill Godzilla and then Turtle Says he can take us back to our world, where if we help him with one other thing, he'll end this horrendous story!!  
  
Cloud: NO!!! I won't let you take my property!!!  
  
reporter:(if you remember, he was forced to saty there in the last chapter) Im outta here!!!  
  
the reporter jumps off  
  
Reporter: Oh shit!!! I forgot the parachute!!!  
  
Barret: Ouch, that had to hurt  
  
Cloud: I will never let you take my Property!!!  
  
Red XIII: wait.... does anybody know where Sephiroth is?? that always angers Cloud into trying something.  
  
Sephiroth:(flies out of nowhere and lands at godzillas feet) Come on Cloud!!! this is the real world now!!! Do you still think you can beat me!!??  
  
Cloud: Come on up here and we'll find out whos the better drinker!!!  
  
Spehiroth: The better fighter ya dumb blond!!  
  
Emi: Wow, he sure is standing up to someone whos kicked his ass before. My hero(sighs)  
  
Cloud: Still, come up here to prove yourself!! My buster Branch is itching for a good fight(holds up a sword which looks exactly like the buster sword except its made of rotten wood)  
  
Sephiroth walks over to the main group  
  
Sephiroth: I tried, I tried(walks off into the distence crying while some sad emotional music plays)  
  
Cid: Does anybody else hate that kind of music??  
  
All the boys raise their hand  
  
Barret: Well, it looks like we can't get cloud to come down from there... I guess we'll have to take Godzilla down with him there...  
  
Everyone nods their head in agreement(Tifa, Barret, Cid, Red XIII, Vincint, Yuffie, Turtle, Fireball, Cinnamon, Emi, Stevan, Strike)  
  
Cid: LETS DO THIS!!!!  
  
Everyone: CHARGE!!!  
  
As they begin to charge, a figured drenched in shadow comes out in front of them, he looks Godzilla in the eye, the figure then opens their mouth to speak.  
  
Figure: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US  
  
Godzilla tilts his head to the side, looking confused, his eyes then become bloodshot and the viens in his head rise to the skin.  
  
Cloud: NO!!! MY PROPERTY'S GONNA EXPLODE!!!!  
  
Cloud grabs a parachute and jumps, shortly after he jumps Godzillas head explodes  
  
Figure: My work Made here is Deed.  
  
Everyone: What???  
  
Figure walks off into the distence  
  
Turtle: Well, that person sure kicked Godzillas ass  
  
Cid: Damn Straight he did  
  
Turtle: Anyway, with Godzilla gone now I can send us all back to the FF7 realm  
  
Everyone except authors: YAY!!!  
  
Turtle: Not so fast, once we get there, I need your guys help to eliminate Vivi from that universe, he currently controls the story, once I take back over, I'll end the story.  
  
Everyone reluctently shakes their head  
  
Turtle: everybody ready? Here we go!!  
  
Cheesy special effect of a big flash of light occurs, after that, everybodys gone....  
  
At Vivis base  
  
Vivi: Damn it, where could the instant coffee machine be...  
  
Guard: We don-  
  
Vivi: YOU!!! YOU MUST KNOW WHERE IT IS!!!  
  
Guard: I was trying to tell you sir, we don't have one!!  
  
Vivi: LIES!!! (Electrocutes him)  
  
Guard: I'm not lying SIR!!!  
  
Vivi: CURSE YOU!!!! (chokes him)  
  
Somewhere nearby...  
  
Everybody warps into existence in the FF7 world  
  
Turtle: Finally, we are here  
  
Tifa: Turtle, who was that figure??  
  
Turtle: I know who it was, it was-  
  
Barret: yes??  
  
Turtle: what a good idea!!  
  
Cid: Whats a good idea??  
  
Turtle: HA!!! I'll have the 2 or more people who actually read this story guess who it was!!! As a reward, they can type out in the review what they want as a reward!! Its ingenious!!! of course it has to be within my power and not something like "Go find a gun and shoot yourself" It has to be something relevant to the stoy.  
  
Red XIII: Why are you doing this??  
  
Turtle: To prolong the story which is running out of stupid plot twists and is void of anything humorous from ending.  
  
Everybody groans  
  
Turtle: Well then, Lets go fight VIVI!!!  
  
everybody charges off into the distence, hoping the next chapter will be the last....  
  
Authors Note: Well, thats it for this chapter, I think its the longest one I've done so far  
  
PHUZZ: *COUGH* Pathetic*cough*  
  
Turtle: Shut up  
  
Authors Note Continued: ANyway, I think the contest is fairly obvious, it may attract a few more reviews, which is what I'm looking for, cuz this story only averages 3 or 4 a chapter while other storys I've read recieve 10+ reviews per chapter. So, um, I still have at least 2 chapters worth of ideas floating around in my insane mind, so enjoy the wait for chapter 14  
  
Authors 2nd note: At the time I am also working on 2 other fics, one is a original fic which has many RPG cliches in it and is fairly unoriginal for an original story. It follows such things as "having amnesia is as common as having a cold", and it does have a wee bit of romance(I suppose you could call it that in my story) where just the girl likes the boy and they are being forced to marry. The boy really hates the girl, etc. etc.(hmm... that sounds familar). The rest of the story revolves around some warring kingdoms on some planet and the role the mian character is thrust into waith the war.(hmm.... that not original either, is there a section in FF.net for "rip-off" fics???). The other story, which is equally pathetic, is my take on the events that follow Metal Gear Solid 2. Its not one of those disturbing fics which I see everywhere I go which involve Snake and Octacon.. er... you know... Mine follows the story and my take on what happens to philanthropy and Raiden in the weeks following Metal Gear Solid 2. So just tell me which fic I should put more effort into: the unoriginal original, The Metal Gear Solid one, or this one. Just gimme your opinion.  
  
End of Chapter 13 


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